From quiet homes and first beginnings
Out to undiscovered ends
Whats worth the wear of winning
Is Laughter and the Love of friends
Anonymous
I lived away from home for 7 years. When I was 21 - I boarded a flight that took me to the place that was farthest from the only place I called home. Everything that mattered was in 2 suitcases. Emotional baggage notwithstanding.
I was excited and young and empowered.
But Time and Distance ..can both be like sinkholes. First we fear them, then we resist and fight them and ultimately we succumb to them.
There are moments that I remember distinctly. The first time I called Park16th in Gainesville "Home" ..I was at the bus stop near Shands and met someone from school who asked me where I was going ..and I said "I'm going home" ..It was months after my first flight across the atlantic.
It made me pause and feel the strange bitter sweet agony that I would soon learn to associate with my sometimes exciting and sometimes questionable existence away from home.
Living abroad can really be like a box of chocolates - Forrest's mom would have been pleased. We never really knew what we were going to get. From learning to operate vending machines, ordering the convoluted one tall cappuchino with low fat skim milk, relearning names of fruits vegetables and even ourselves. First it used to bother me that no one had heard of my name and everyone always mispronounced it. Then a few years down the lane - it stopped bothering me. But then the fact that I was so desensitized to having my own namesake questioned - started bothering me. I'm sure you get the picture.
I spent 2 and a half years in Florida...and one a brutally cold January morning when I made the drive from the sunshine state to the Peach state - I was a completely different person than the hopelessly optimistic person on the flight. ..and I remember thinking ..that all I had used to once fit in 2 suitcases ..now I have a car full of things...and it made me feel happy -sad in a way that I have not felt since...not in that precise manner anyways.
Atlanta was the city of many firsts for me. First time I stood on my feet- looked life in the eye and negotiated my own terms. First car, First job , First apartment and the list goes on. And soon the first year became the 2nd and the 2nd became the 3rd... I can never forget the first of many christmas's and new years that I spent alone in my 2119-River apartment.I was devastated and lonely ..but then the year rolled and by the 2nd holiday- I completely enjoyed the silence and the snow and the long weekend alone where I tinkered with my computer some,painted some more van goghs, cooked and cleaned and started enjoying things like doing laundry and washing my car and listening to the dishwasher. But then I'd see a Publix commercial with loads of family sitting around a table eating turkey and cry my heart out. Then I'd convince myself that I would have never eaten turkey anyways and would go back to the routine.
Life was kind to me in Atlanta - Of all the places in the world ,its like a gentle hand guided and looked over my shoulder everyday that I spent in the city. Four years and everyday one more to be thankful for. I'd found my home.But then the winds of change blew and beckoned and it was time for a change yet again.
Now I'm in Hyderabad - another place that I am learning to call home.I'll admit that it has been slow but its going to happen - one of these stormy monsoon nights.
The funny thing is that I spent 7 years answering questions like "Why did you move to the US ? will you go back?" ..and now I can envision the next decade answering "Why did you move back?" ..what makes it difficult is that there is no one good answer.Its not like I had a million great reasons for going to the US that magically fell apart one day. Its not like I didnt spend years and months agonizing over them. Its not that life came easily either. Most of us students worked brutal weeks at minimum wage - were jobless for months at a stretch with nothing other than our gut and sense of humor to feed us. Most of us who went there have spent nights all alone in our apartments with nothing to do and with just the TV talking to us.Gone through every hurricane season with our hearts beating loudly to comfort us. And yes - we have spent afternoons walking like nomads in shopping malls and read dozens of books in borders and had one too many lattes before we could come home and watch TV all over again on weekends when we didnt have plans.We've had phones that didnt ring for days. Mailboxes that never saw anything other than bills and china that was never used until we donated it.
The good came later ..and the really good ..came much much later...and that I think is what fosters a bond that is stronger than the one that you may have with any other place.
I'll always be a Bombay girl at heart and I'll always call Bombay my home..but Atlanta will always be the home that I cried and fought and struggled to keep..Everything that happened while I was away was like a coin toss.It was anybodys bet how things would have turned out - I could have ended up being one of those many million indians who sit only with other indians during lunch time. I could have ended up in a suburbian cookie cutter like existence with a family van. I could have dyed my hair three shades of blonde and had a blast...or I could have been completely mesmerized by life and lived it so intensely that for the longest time I could never see my life anywhere else. The truth is that I did a little bit of all of the above.
And I learnt to live in any place like its my home. Home stopped being one finite place somewhere along the way. It became a repository of every feel good moment I'd had, every fear that I had overcome and every dream that I had seen.And I learnt to keep it alive.On the inside.For as long as it took to call a new place "Home"
They say that home is where the heart is...and that is true. But the heart ..is in a lot of places with a lot of people and if thats not what makes life worth living - then what is ?!
About Me
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
The perfect tear
It shimmered with the love of a heavy heart
and knew what kept the stars apart
It spoke of the longing for an old friend
and knew all good things came to an end
It remembered the swift race against time
the sunrise and the sunsets that I thought were mine
It waited for the quietest moment of the year
to make its presence felt - the perfect tear.
and knew what kept the stars apart
It spoke of the longing for an old friend
and knew all good things came to an end
It remembered the swift race against time
the sunrise and the sunsets that I thought were mine
It waited for the quietest moment of the year
to make its presence felt - the perfect tear.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Promise
Today feels like promise. Sunshine floods my room through half open windows and the trees sway outside to a windsong.
Today feels like friendship. The sweet smell of coffee simmering and waiting to tell its story as I write a part of my own.
Today feels like hope. The wonder of what may be like a small paper boat making its way through a large puddle.
Today.Aaj..Abhi.
Good Morning World.
Today feels like friendship. The sweet smell of coffee simmering and waiting to tell its story as I write a part of my own.
Today feels like hope. The wonder of what may be like a small paper boat making its way through a large puddle.
Today.Aaj..Abhi.
Good Morning World.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Of endings and more ...
Thank you for books that make us weep when we read them.
Thank you for the heros that we've grown to love,pray for and cheer.
Thank you for time that flies faster than the pages and the clock that ticks as the plot thickens and comes to a spine chilling mind numbing jubilant ending.
Thank you for the wonder of bookmarks that earmark pages as they weave their magic and impact us.
Thank you for bringing the magic into our worlds.
There something strangely bittersweet about endings that come to stories that have grown along with us. And we watch, from the outside looking in ...still as much a part of the tale as it becomes a part of us.
Thank you JK Rowling for the adventure of a lifetime.
For those of us who grew up too soon - our childhood is trapped somewhere between the pages of your books and you've told its story rather well.
Thank you for Harry and the adventure of a lifetime.
Thank you for the heros that we've grown to love,pray for and cheer.
Thank you for time that flies faster than the pages and the clock that ticks as the plot thickens and comes to a spine chilling mind numbing jubilant ending.
Thank you for the wonder of bookmarks that earmark pages as they weave their magic and impact us.
Thank you for bringing the magic into our worlds.
There something strangely bittersweet about endings that come to stories that have grown along with us. And we watch, from the outside looking in ...still as much a part of the tale as it becomes a part of us.
Thank you JK Rowling for the adventure of a lifetime.
For those of us who grew up too soon - our childhood is trapped somewhere between the pages of your books and you've told its story rather well.
Thank you for Harry and the adventure of a lifetime.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Sip of Life
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Moonsoons in Mumbai - are entwined with my dreams ,my passion and my life
There is something about the silver grey haze that curtains the arabian sea on hot july afternoons that stirs deep emotion. Its funny how raindrops have colors. When I lived in Atlanta they were blue and in Mumbai - always grey. I think the colors of the rains in a city define the soul of the city. In Mumbai -they are are collison of the extremities - resulting in a wet quasi black white hotchpotch that represents the everyday compromises and grey areas that every mumbaikar learns to identify with, navigate through and ultimately celebrate.
Someone once said that millions long for immortality that dont know what to do on a rainy sunday afternoon.
Day of the week notwithstanding - obviously not the case here.
All it takes is a bit of chai and a penchant for loads of timepass.
What started as a casual walk along the gateway of india soon ended in a left turn through the paved arches of the taj....then several photo opportunities presented themselves ..by this time we were in a video game where everytime you see a green cake ..you eat it ..swallow it ..kinda like a adrenalin pumping for sme extra life ..so we embarassed ourseleves and the bystanders and wasted bytes of memory space ...culminated in a lazy lunch at leopolds at a crowded table that reeked of familiarity and good times..
where we pondered the wonders of shantaram and tried to find a table with his name under it ..even though the waiter inisited on greek salad ... we defied tradition as usual and ate some greasy fries and washed them down with some thanda thanda cool cool .. and meanderingly so ..with the grey blue canvas of the city as company ..made our way to mahalaxmi temple ..where history,tradition and city life combined with a momentum so strong that only a mumbaikar would know its force .. and not a raindrop ...
I guess the city knew that we were out to celebrate its spirit and wouldnt wash down our party.
Gallon of Gas : $$$
Shopping Trip : $$$
Lunch at Leopolds :$$$
Meeting old friends , hugging them till you are breathless, feeling the hot heat of amchi mumbai , the rocking combination of dust and dreams, witnessing the colors of the city, painting our life with them and ending the day with a cup of mumbai style special masala chai cutting .... Priceless..
There are some things money can buy - for everything else - There is amchi mumbai.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Lost and Found
It was a rather boisterous colorful evening this side of chaar minar when some friends met up for dinner at Mainland China. Apart from the food - what rocked was the company, the casual banter, the jokes and the heartfelt laughter.
There is a kind of comfort that lies in just sitting across the table from a group of people who have seen you at your worst - at 2 am night after night - when you look like something that the cat dragged in, bereft of common sense,logic, enthusiasm or anything north of being energetic.
Who have walked with you to numerous coffee breaks - withstanding the ominous silence in the elevator on the way back up when every second is a gasp of air before the journey ends ..
Who share bad assignments, chewing gum, markers, random thoughts, delirious jokes and head banging on the tables
Who find humor in the clicking of high heels in the wuiet library each night - in crazy faced math books that make no sense to anyone . Who find humor in the ocassional tintin comic or chocolate bar if you will.
The kind of familiarity that starts with sitting at different tables in the same library section and ends up with being one big mess of paper, theories, thoughts and prayers spread across an entire cross section of your life.
They say that that those who look for inspiration - often find that inspiration manifest in just about everything. And so tonight - It was for me.
In the Order of the Phoenix which we ended the night with -Luna told Harry that what we have often lost has a funny way of finding its way back to us.
And tonight - in the uncanniest of ways - It did.
Thank God I have enough
There is a kind of comfort that lies in just sitting across the table from a group of people who have seen you at your worst - at 2 am night after night - when you look like something that the cat dragged in, bereft of common sense,logic, enthusiasm or anything north of being energetic.
Who have walked with you to numerous coffee breaks - withstanding the ominous silence in the elevator on the way back up when every second is a gasp of air before the journey ends ..
Who share bad assignments, chewing gum, markers, random thoughts, delirious jokes and head banging on the tables
Who find humor in the clicking of high heels in the wuiet library each night - in crazy faced math books that make no sense to anyone . Who find humor in the ocassional tintin comic or chocolate bar if you will.
The kind of familiarity that starts with sitting at different tables in the same library section and ends up with being one big mess of paper, theories, thoughts and prayers spread across an entire cross section of your life.
They say that that those who look for inspiration - often find that inspiration manifest in just about everything. And so tonight - It was for me.
In the Order of the Phoenix which we ended the night with -Luna told Harry that what we have often lost has a funny way of finding its way back to us.
And tonight - in the uncanniest of ways - It did.
Thank God I have enough
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Broken Window Fallacy
It took 28 years - and a lot of tears, struggle and heartache indispersed with sprinklings of self doubt self depreciation followed by pep talks , phoenix rises and victory runs to come to this day when I realised that one of my major life changing theories was based on the "Broken Window Fallacy"
But I live in the real world - most of the times at least. ...So saying it like it is. Over here atleast :)... does this change any Kausims ..well ..maybe ..time as usual will tell ..
One of the contemporary debates in economics is based on what is called the "Broken Window Fallacy".
Some kids toss a brick and break a window in a bakery store.
People gather around to mourn the loss of the window.
Someone says that the baker will spend money to repair the window - so the window maker will earn a few more ..and he will spend more money shopping due to his increased income and in turn between them and this cycle they will find a solution to world peace.
So basically - if the broken window is large enough - it can lift the entire economy out of recession.
Well - most economic majors will laugh at this and say that the broken window didnt "create" new activity - it just diverted resources to other activities. So most people dont see what could have happened as opposed to what did.
The problem is that I didnt study economics until this year.
How different my life would have been if I had read this at 10 - who knows.
But I have to confess that I have lived under the shadow of the broken window fallacy.
When things go wrong in my life as they ofetn do .. Its not entirely unusual for me to say .."If it didnt kill me - It'll make me stronger"
.."Its made me more realistic"
"Not getting what you want maybe the best thing to happen to you"
"All for the best"
"Atleast this way -I understood myself"
Hmm.. it you factor one life and subtract from it ..majority of the struggles and the heartaches .. could it be possible that I could have been a completely different person ..maybe a better person even ..
is it just that I view my eyes through the lenses of the Broken Window Fallacy and conclude that things have happened for a meaning and a reason and even the worst of times are good in their own way ?
Time as usual will play its hand and tell.
Until then - I have to hold on to what one of my close friends said to me that
"It would all be good in the end .. and if it wasnt good ..then it wasnt the end"
Adios
But I live in the real world - most of the times at least. ...So saying it like it is. Over here atleast :)... does this change any Kausims ..well ..maybe ..time as usual will tell ..
One of the contemporary debates in economics is based on what is called the "Broken Window Fallacy".
Some kids toss a brick and break a window in a bakery store.
People gather around to mourn the loss of the window.
Someone says that the baker will spend money to repair the window - so the window maker will earn a few more ..and he will spend more money shopping due to his increased income and in turn between them and this cycle they will find a solution to world peace.
So basically - if the broken window is large enough - it can lift the entire economy out of recession.
Well - most economic majors will laugh at this and say that the broken window didnt "create" new activity - it just diverted resources to other activities. So most people dont see what could have happened as opposed to what did.
The problem is that I didnt study economics until this year.
How different my life would have been if I had read this at 10 - who knows.
But I have to confess that I have lived under the shadow of the broken window fallacy.
When things go wrong in my life as they ofetn do .. Its not entirely unusual for me to say .."If it didnt kill me - It'll make me stronger"
.."Its made me more realistic"
"Not getting what you want maybe the best thing to happen to you"
"All for the best"
"Atleast this way -I understood myself"
Hmm.. it you factor one life and subtract from it ..majority of the struggles and the heartaches .. could it be possible that I could have been a completely different person ..maybe a better person even ..
is it just that I view my eyes through the lenses of the Broken Window Fallacy and conclude that things have happened for a meaning and a reason and even the worst of times are good in their own way ?
Time as usual will play its hand and tell.
Until then - I have to hold on to what one of my close friends said to me that
"It would all be good in the end .. and if it wasnt good ..then it wasnt the end"
Adios
Friday, July 13, 2007
Journey
Its a sultry grey afternoon in Hyderabad and the skies look swollen with the promise of impending havoc. On a much needed coffee break - I went to cnn.com where thanks to a personal setting from years ago - my webpage announced that it was 72 degrees mostly cloudy in Atlanta ,GA.
It made me smile - the kind of smile that comes from the inside and is usually associated with some kind of internal screaming. A good smile nonetheless.
Next - i was informed that the "Beckhams" had arrived in LA. Such a ruckus about a trans atlantic flight.
It made me smile yet again.
Its crazy isnt is - how some people climb mountains and sail across the seven seas and bungee jump and go to africa or live in a tent in costa rica or even better in a shack in Chile.
Yet unknown and unguarded to anything but the minds eye - the rest of us go on adventures that will never be seen - journeys that will never be talked about - beginnings that will just blend into the eternal myriad of everyday nothings - and yet as our worlds move and our deepest beliefs are questioned,challenged,strengthned and altered - we will not even move an inch.
Makes me smile.
The thought that right now - this very moment could be a new beginning - not a birthday or new years eve ...not some token start to a finish that never happened. .. makes me smile.
It makes me wonder - how many of the people in the library around me are making serious life changes as I sit here and update my blog.
To quit smoking - or drink less coffee -forget a part of their lives - study harder- blog less:)-smile more - reach out to someone they love - work out.
Change.
Silent - Intangible but very present.
So I sit here - in the library - stealing moments of time to post this musing - and when I log off in exactly 2 minutes - The world as I know it , will have changed.
In a small - but utterly significant -valuable way.
It makes me smile.
It made me smile - the kind of smile that comes from the inside and is usually associated with some kind of internal screaming. A good smile nonetheless.
Next - i was informed that the "Beckhams" had arrived in LA. Such a ruckus about a trans atlantic flight.
It made me smile yet again.
Its crazy isnt is - how some people climb mountains and sail across the seven seas and bungee jump and go to africa or live in a tent in costa rica or even better in a shack in Chile.
Yet unknown and unguarded to anything but the minds eye - the rest of us go on adventures that will never be seen - journeys that will never be talked about - beginnings that will just blend into the eternal myriad of everyday nothings - and yet as our worlds move and our deepest beliefs are questioned,challenged,strengthned and altered - we will not even move an inch.
Makes me smile.
The thought that right now - this very moment could be a new beginning - not a birthday or new years eve ...not some token start to a finish that never happened. .. makes me smile.
It makes me wonder - how many of the people in the library around me are making serious life changes as I sit here and update my blog.
To quit smoking - or drink less coffee -forget a part of their lives - study harder- blog less:)-smile more - reach out to someone they love - work out.
Change.
Silent - Intangible but very present.
So I sit here - in the library - stealing moments of time to post this musing - and when I log off in exactly 2 minutes - The world as I know it , will have changed.
In a small - but utterly significant -valuable way.
It makes me smile.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Live for Life
I woke up at 8 am today.
Sat up straight in bed and 30 minutes later - I was in school.
Then I spent 3 hours in the library - 2 hours in class. Grabbed lunch and went back to the library.
Its 1.57 am and I just got back.
I'm tired and my nerves are shot. I'm sleepy and cant think straight.
I've spent an entire day trying to figure something out...I still havent gotten very far.
So I often wonder - in solitude at times such a these - on days like today - Whats my raison d'etre.
The truth is that I've never known what I've been looking for.
So chances are - that even if I find it somehow .. after all the deliberation and exasperation and praying .. I may not even realise it- because I wasnt looking for it in the first place.
Theres a vague possibility that if at all -I am looking for something - I'm looking for myself.
So Sometimes I find myself in the library - like a book on the shelf that everyone walks past - but is just waiting for its story to be told.
At other times - I'm in the smiles between strangers who dont know that they are going to be very good friends someday.
I'm the raindrops that fall on bright umbrellas -trying to reflect the very color they yearn to possess.
And I'm like the noisy keys on the keyboard - that if played in the right order can produce magic but if not can be detrimental.
Yet at other times - I'm like a question - on a test or a quiz which unfortunately has no one right answer.
Or like a cloud in the sky that doesnt know its shape-purpose-calling but is still on a journey guided by the skies.
But on nights like today - when the moonlight makes it hard to disguise anything -
I am myself.
Sleepy. Tired. Mellow. Hopeful. Waiting Patiently.
For tomorrow.
For another shot at life.
For another 7.30 alarm to wake me up so I can tell my story on a new day in a new way.
Good Night.
Sat up straight in bed and 30 minutes later - I was in school.
Then I spent 3 hours in the library - 2 hours in class. Grabbed lunch and went back to the library.
Its 1.57 am and I just got back.
I'm tired and my nerves are shot. I'm sleepy and cant think straight.
I've spent an entire day trying to figure something out...I still havent gotten very far.
So I often wonder - in solitude at times such a these - on days like today - Whats my raison d'etre.
The truth is that I've never known what I've been looking for.
So chances are - that even if I find it somehow .. after all the deliberation and exasperation and praying .. I may not even realise it- because I wasnt looking for it in the first place.
Theres a vague possibility that if at all -I am looking for something - I'm looking for myself.
So Sometimes I find myself in the library - like a book on the shelf that everyone walks past - but is just waiting for its story to be told.
At other times - I'm in the smiles between strangers who dont know that they are going to be very good friends someday.
I'm the raindrops that fall on bright umbrellas -trying to reflect the very color they yearn to possess.
And I'm like the noisy keys on the keyboard - that if played in the right order can produce magic but if not can be detrimental.
Yet at other times - I'm like a question - on a test or a quiz which unfortunately has no one right answer.
Or like a cloud in the sky that doesnt know its shape-purpose-calling but is still on a journey guided by the skies.
But on nights like today - when the moonlight makes it hard to disguise anything -
I am myself.
Sleepy. Tired. Mellow. Hopeful. Waiting Patiently.
For tomorrow.
For another shot at life.
For another 7.30 alarm to wake me up so I can tell my story on a new day in a new way.
Good Night.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Love Actually
This post is my dedication to all my super rocking girlfriends - who inspite of getting the short hand of life sometimes and being burnt - still believe relentlessly and faithfully in love and its mysteries.
Who still try to understand the mythical creatures that men are and try to convince themselves that there is logic and hope in this for all of us.
Who wake up everyday thinking that today might be the day they fall in love - who still wear mascara only to improve their world view and paint their toenails waiting for the day they might get to run barefoot in the grass around a tree - karan joahresque.
who crash and Burn and make complete fools of ourselves - but then wake up the next day and its a brand new day - a brand new fool.
Who sit patiently while guys around us make stupid statements like "there no pretty girls around" ..or look at a zero % body fat girl and say .."hmm ..she's kinda chunky" (makes us wonder where we would be on that rating)..and be supportive and friendly ..only to hear things like "I'm too busy" .."Its not that I'm insensitive ..I just dont care" ...lol!!..
But still we hold on - thinking that somewhere somehow ..Love Actually does exist.
But between you and me while it still eludes us -...lets go shopping instead. Retail Therapy might be more reliable than a heart with an arrow in it.:)
For my girlfriends..
:)
My list of top 10 mushy tear jerking "music in my heart i bore long after it was heard no more" lovey dovey moments EVER !
The best ever!
1.Bridget Jones Diary
" I mean you seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a complete idiot every time I see you. And you really needn't bother. I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway."
2.Kate Winslet -Jack Black in Holiday
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "
3.Meredith to Derek : Greys Anatomy Season2
"your choice, it's simple her or me. And I'm sure she's really great . . . but i love you in a really really big pretend to like your music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold radio over my head outside your window . . . so pick me, choose me, love me." "
4.Carrie Bradshaw :Sex and the City
"Despite the fact that there are over eight million people on the island of Manhattan, there are times you still feel shipwrecked and alone. Times even the most resourceful survivor would feel the need to put a message in a bottle, or on an answering machine."
5.Love Actually
"Without Hope or Agenda - To me you are perfect"
6.Ally Mcbeal
"The idea that when people come together, they stay together. I have to take that with me when I'm going to bed at night, Even if I'm going to bed alone."
7.You've got mail
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."
8.When Harry met Sally
"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
9. An Affair to Remember
"Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories... And we've already missed the spring!"
10.Cacablanca
"I love you so much. I hate war so much.
With the whole world crumbling, we pick this time to fall in love.
Yeah, it's pretty bad timing. Where were you, say, ten years ago?
I remember - The Germans wore grey. You wore blue"
Who still try to understand the mythical creatures that men are and try to convince themselves that there is logic and hope in this for all of us.
Who wake up everyday thinking that today might be the day they fall in love - who still wear mascara only to improve their world view and paint their toenails waiting for the day they might get to run barefoot in the grass around a tree - karan joahresque.
who crash and Burn and make complete fools of ourselves - but then wake up the next day and its a brand new day - a brand new fool.
Who sit patiently while guys around us make stupid statements like "there no pretty girls around" ..or look at a zero % body fat girl and say .."hmm ..she's kinda chunky" (makes us wonder where we would be on that rating)..and be supportive and friendly ..only to hear things like "I'm too busy" .."Its not that I'm insensitive ..I just dont care" ...lol!!..
But still we hold on - thinking that somewhere somehow ..Love Actually does exist.
But between you and me while it still eludes us -...lets go shopping instead. Retail Therapy might be more reliable than a heart with an arrow in it.:)
For my girlfriends..
:)
My list of top 10 mushy tear jerking "music in my heart i bore long after it was heard no more" lovey dovey moments EVER !
The best ever!
1.Bridget Jones Diary
" I mean you seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a complete idiot every time I see you. And you really needn't bother. I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway."
2.Kate Winslet -Jack Black in Holiday
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "
3.Meredith to Derek : Greys Anatomy Season2
"your choice, it's simple her or me. And I'm sure she's really great . . . but i love you in a really really big pretend to like your music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold radio over my head outside your window . . . so pick me, choose me, love me." "
4.Carrie Bradshaw :Sex and the City
"Despite the fact that there are over eight million people on the island of Manhattan, there are times you still feel shipwrecked and alone. Times even the most resourceful survivor would feel the need to put a message in a bottle, or on an answering machine."
5.Love Actually
"Without Hope or Agenda - To me you are perfect"
6.Ally Mcbeal
"The idea that when people come together, they stay together. I have to take that with me when I'm going to bed at night, Even if I'm going to bed alone."
7.You've got mail
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."
8.When Harry met Sally
"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
9. An Affair to Remember
"Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories... And we've already missed the spring!"
10.Cacablanca
"I love you so much. I hate war so much.
With the whole world crumbling, we pick this time to fall in love.
Yeah, it's pretty bad timing. Where were you, say, ten years ago?
I remember - The Germans wore grey. You wore blue"
Saturday, July 07, 2007
TODAY
Today
In this Life - second chances are a myth .
Once the moment passes - the big hand rarely returns to the same place and players.
But it is true, that seasons changes, people change ....but our problems
battles, opportunities revisit us again and again, in different times, places
countries, with different faces until we learn to fess up.
And therein lies the chance.
Everything comes with a price. And yes, threes a strict no return policy on most
goods. Anything and Everything is perishable and expiration dates are rampant.
But every morning, when that swirling ball of orange flame is somewhere between coast and cloud ,comes a moment where everything is possible. While most of us lie in bed oblivious to this chance, this opportunity thats being sent our way . Disguised....but very real .
Today is the day you could conquer your innermost fear,Forgive your deepest misgiving, Bump into your wildest dream, Challenge
your strongest faith and realise that somewhere somehow, you're bigger that
what you thought you were.
Today is the day you could make a new friend.
Today -you could find your soulmate.
Today you could be a friend.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
We;ve all become so cynical that we are taught to accept and make peace.
Go with the flow and be normal.
Today you could decide to be extraordinary.
Today is the day you can decide to not give up.
Not not lose focus, not shift ground ..not settle for being ordinary .
Today you can be a rock !
What do you see when you look into the mirror? Who do you see ?
Do you see yourself or someone you wish you were.
Today lets give who you really are a closer look.
Lets pay heed to what yours hearts telling you but your brain's ignoring because its not a Page 3 story .
Because Today you are not a page 3 story - You're the whole freaking newspaper !
Today you stand alone ...in a sea of cliches surrounded by a plethora of excuses and emotional sinkholes. Today you are complete, with your ups downs problems
faults challenges, successes and love stories.
Today you may be half as happy as you'd hoped you'd be ..but Today you are twice the person you'd wished to be .
Today : The Power of Possibility is magical . Its a gift that holds promise,
hope, potential and thus at the same time deep rooted fear and mistrust.
So today for a brief moment, lets smile and give some credit to the
Power of Possibility, let your head sway briefly if you may to the
music and let your heart soar with the thoughts and dreams and hopes
and let the fears drown in the promise of laughter .
Today - let the Power of Possibility grip you .
A million tomorrows await you, all stemming from a single Today.
So Today, Smile up to the Gods and Seize the day !
In this Life - second chances are a myth .
Once the moment passes - the big hand rarely returns to the same place and players.
But it is true, that seasons changes, people change ....but our problems
battles, opportunities revisit us again and again, in different times, places
countries, with different faces until we learn to fess up.
And therein lies the chance.
Everything comes with a price. And yes, threes a strict no return policy on most
goods. Anything and Everything is perishable and expiration dates are rampant.
But every morning, when that swirling ball of orange flame is somewhere between coast and cloud ,comes a moment where everything is possible. While most of us lie in bed oblivious to this chance, this opportunity thats being sent our way . Disguised....but very real .
Today is the day you could conquer your innermost fear,Forgive your deepest misgiving, Bump into your wildest dream, Challenge
your strongest faith and realise that somewhere somehow, you're bigger that
what you thought you were.
Today is the day you could make a new friend.
Today -you could find your soulmate.
Today you could be a friend.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
We;ve all become so cynical that we are taught to accept and make peace.
Go with the flow and be normal.
Today you could decide to be extraordinary.
Today is the day you can decide to not give up.
Not not lose focus, not shift ground ..not settle for being ordinary .
Today you can be a rock !
What do you see when you look into the mirror? Who do you see ?
Do you see yourself or someone you wish you were.
Today lets give who you really are a closer look.
Lets pay heed to what yours hearts telling you but your brain's ignoring because its not a Page 3 story .
Because Today you are not a page 3 story - You're the whole freaking newspaper !
Today you stand alone ...in a sea of cliches surrounded by a plethora of excuses and emotional sinkholes. Today you are complete, with your ups downs problems
faults challenges, successes and love stories.
Today you may be half as happy as you'd hoped you'd be ..but Today you are twice the person you'd wished to be .
Today : The Power of Possibility is magical . Its a gift that holds promise,
hope, potential and thus at the same time deep rooted fear and mistrust.
So today for a brief moment, lets smile and give some credit to the
Power of Possibility, let your head sway briefly if you may to the
music and let your heart soar with the thoughts and dreams and hopes
and let the fears drown in the promise of laughter .
Today - let the Power of Possibility grip you .
A million tomorrows await you, all stemming from a single Today.
So Today, Smile up to the Gods and Seize the day !
Friday, July 06, 2007
Late at Night
Late at Night
Late at Night I walk alone
to a place I'm learning to call home
It seems that the day was so futile
If only I could have made it last a while
Late at Night I often wonder
how to perfect the art of surrender
It seems I'm holding on too tight
If I could learn to let go - I might
Late at Night I often pray
For those I love from far away
It seems that life can be unfair
If only they knew how much I care
Late at night I'm all alone
In my own silent zone
It seems I'm out of things to say
I'm just waitiing for a brand new day
Late at Night I walk alone
to a place I'm learning to call home
It seems that the day was so futile
If only I could have made it last a while
Late at Night I often wonder
how to perfect the art of surrender
It seems I'm holding on too tight
If I could learn to let go - I might
Late at Night I often pray
For those I love from far away
It seems that life can be unfair
If only they knew how much I care
Late at night I'm all alone
In my own silent zone
It seems I'm out of things to say
I'm just waitiing for a brand new day
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Une petite fenetre
There is a story that I need to tell.
I read it a long time ago - and much like many things I read - it only makes sense to me now. More sense than it has ever made during the many years in between.
There was a prisoner in a jail. One of those 16th century french dungeons that lay on top of a big mountain surrounded by furious seas and cliffs and all of natures external wonders a stark contrast to the darkness that festered within.
One day he heard chains and the sound of feet - a new prisoner had been allocated the neighbouring cell. Intrigued, he waited for the guards to disperse ..and then when the night was quiet - he said "Hello".
His new friend responded back and soon they got talking.
One day our friend was sad and lonely and asked his new neighbour how his cell was. The new friend responded by saying that his cell was fabulous and he had a huge window with a great view.
"Window? " ...but my cell has no window thought our friend!
So everyday the new neighbour would describe to our friend what he saw out of the window.
The trees dancing in the breeze, the winds ruffling the oceans, skies that were turquoise and bright sunshine. Our friend waited everyday to hear the summary of how beautiful the world outside was and how bright and light life could be with the birds and the music and the flowers.
It became the one thing that held him up through the long days and nights.
One day when our friend tried to chat with his neighbour- there was no response.
The guards informed him that his friend had been moved to a new facility.
Our friend - though momentarily saddened - quickly asked the guards to move him into the empty cell. Wish Granted.
There was a small problem - there was no window. When he told the guards his story - they laughed back and said - it wasnt possible - There was no window and to top it all - his neighbour had been blind.
Circa Present Day.
I have to admit that the glass has been more often empty than full nowadays.
I guess if you are in a bar - then thats fair enough.
But to go through everyday - feeling like you're fighting a losing battle can take its toll.
Then again - Life has always been kind to me and the invisible hand guides me to places and people without whom life would not only be less meaningful but also less beautiful.
And when my inner strength falters - there is someone to hold me up and say that I need to go on, that I cant give up on who I am - because the only way to get out of a dark place is to keep walking towards the light.
And so I walk .. and sometimes I crawl- but a step ahead.Nonetheless.
Everyday.
Thank God I have enough.
I read it a long time ago - and much like many things I read - it only makes sense to me now. More sense than it has ever made during the many years in between.
There was a prisoner in a jail. One of those 16th century french dungeons that lay on top of a big mountain surrounded by furious seas and cliffs and all of natures external wonders a stark contrast to the darkness that festered within.
One day he heard chains and the sound of feet - a new prisoner had been allocated the neighbouring cell. Intrigued, he waited for the guards to disperse ..and then when the night was quiet - he said "Hello".
His new friend responded back and soon they got talking.
One day our friend was sad and lonely and asked his new neighbour how his cell was. The new friend responded by saying that his cell was fabulous and he had a huge window with a great view.
"Window? " ...but my cell has no window thought our friend!
So everyday the new neighbour would describe to our friend what he saw out of the window.
The trees dancing in the breeze, the winds ruffling the oceans, skies that were turquoise and bright sunshine. Our friend waited everyday to hear the summary of how beautiful the world outside was and how bright and light life could be with the birds and the music and the flowers.
It became the one thing that held him up through the long days and nights.
One day when our friend tried to chat with his neighbour- there was no response.
The guards informed him that his friend had been moved to a new facility.
Our friend - though momentarily saddened - quickly asked the guards to move him into the empty cell. Wish Granted.
There was a small problem - there was no window. When he told the guards his story - they laughed back and said - it wasnt possible - There was no window and to top it all - his neighbour had been blind.
Circa Present Day.
I have to admit that the glass has been more often empty than full nowadays.
I guess if you are in a bar - then thats fair enough.
But to go through everyday - feeling like you're fighting a losing battle can take its toll.
Then again - Life has always been kind to me and the invisible hand guides me to places and people without whom life would not only be less meaningful but also less beautiful.
And when my inner strength falters - there is someone to hold me up and say that I need to go on, that I cant give up on who I am - because the only way to get out of a dark place is to keep walking towards the light.
And so I walk .. and sometimes I crawl- but a step ahead.Nonetheless.
Everyday.
Thank God I have enough.
I've Learnt
I usually try to live life one day at a time - maybe it has something to do with my optimistically cautious take on things. But here at ISB - sometimes many many days attack me at once ..
A few nights ago - a very dear friend of mine told me that soon there would be a day when I'd take on several days at one time - Inshah Allah .. but until then ....I've learnt ..
I've learnt that you never know who your friends are - until you find out that they arent who you thought they would be. And that even though it hurts like hell- Its okay to let go.
I've also learnt that ..life ..is bigger and better if you can only let it be and sometimes help comes from the most unexpected corners.
I've learnt that its true ..what they say ..that you can compel people to not be bad to each other But you just cant force them to be good to each other...
I've learnt that moonlight makes me happy
I've learnt that painting toenails is therapeutic
I've learnt that a smile costs nothing but it could change an entire day for someone
I've learnt that sometimes when I run out of tears - it makes my heart weep..
I've learnt that I often have to make hard choices - and these choices are the bricks of my life ..ones that fortify its walls ..or ones that I spend years carrying around
I've learnt that eating chocolate helps
I've learnt that LIFE has a big "IF" in it.
I've learnt that its inevitable how certain people will treat me - but I can control how I will treat them back ...silence usually works.
I've learnt that making an attempt and falling flat on my face- getting road rolled and walked over beats the hell out of never trying at all.
I've learnt that dreams are worth standing up and fighting for.
I've learnt that every once in a while I have a quiet moment when my life flashes in front of my eyes - I've got to make sure its worth watching.
I've learnt that I love it someone holds the door open for me - just for that one brief moment - I am loved and vindicated.
I've learnt that one single moment between friends can be the loss of many many years
I've learnt that just because I am down - doesnt mean I wont stand up again..and it definitely doesnt mean that they next round wont be a knockout.
I've learnt that I'm never going to be a size6 again ..and when my dress size began to get bigger than my shoe size - its was all downhill from there.
I've learnt - that I am going to have to learn to love and be loved again.
A few nights ago - a very dear friend of mine told me that soon there would be a day when I'd take on several days at one time - Inshah Allah .. but until then ....I've learnt ..
I've learnt that you never know who your friends are - until you find out that they arent who you thought they would be. And that even though it hurts like hell- Its okay to let go.
I've also learnt that ..life ..is bigger and better if you can only let it be and sometimes help comes from the most unexpected corners.
I've learnt that its true ..what they say ..that you can compel people to not be bad to each other But you just cant force them to be good to each other...
I've learnt that moonlight makes me happy
I've learnt that painting toenails is therapeutic
I've learnt that a smile costs nothing but it could change an entire day for someone
I've learnt that sometimes when I run out of tears - it makes my heart weep..
I've learnt that I often have to make hard choices - and these choices are the bricks of my life ..ones that fortify its walls ..or ones that I spend years carrying around
I've learnt that eating chocolate helps
I've learnt that LIFE has a big "IF" in it.
I've learnt that its inevitable how certain people will treat me - but I can control how I will treat them back ...silence usually works.
I've learnt that making an attempt and falling flat on my face- getting road rolled and walked over beats the hell out of never trying at all.
I've learnt that dreams are worth standing up and fighting for.
I've learnt that every once in a while I have a quiet moment when my life flashes in front of my eyes - I've got to make sure its worth watching.
I've learnt that I love it someone holds the door open for me - just for that one brief moment - I am loved and vindicated.
I've learnt that one single moment between friends can be the loss of many many years
I've learnt that just because I am down - doesnt mean I wont stand up again..and it definitely doesnt mean that they next round wont be a knockout.
I've learnt that I'm never going to be a size6 again ..and when my dress size began to get bigger than my shoe size - its was all downhill from there.
I've learnt - that I am going to have to learn to love and be loved again.
Monday, July 02, 2007
When it rains
Today is the 2nd of July 2007.
I get points for just getting through the day.
Today.
I get points for just breathing in and out - few times each minute - until one minute passes and then the other.
I waited all day for classes to get over - only to head to the library to read the marketing case.
I knew from the last class that the case was about contact lenses for chicken.
In the elevator to the library - I am thinking ..well..atleast someone came up with something good that the poor hens can see better.
Who was I kidding?
The case was about a company that came up with opaque contact lenses to "blind" the chickens so that they didnt peck and fight with each other.
Thats not all - the other option is to "debeak" them so that they dont fight with each other. Some half crazy person takes a knife and heats it and debeaks these poor birds.
The lens is supposed to be better as it prevents trauma . Trauma ..not because someones concerned about the birds ..trauma being bad ..because traumatised hens lay less eggs.
This has been the longest day of the year.
I cant wait for it to get over.
They say that things have to get far far far worse before they actually start getting better.
I dont have an option but to believe that.
So I'm going to.
I'm going to get through today and tomorrow and every day of the week ..
Meanwhile - maybe someone will come up with a lens to improve my world view.
Amen.
I get points for just getting through the day.
Today.
I get points for just breathing in and out - few times each minute - until one minute passes and then the other.
I waited all day for classes to get over - only to head to the library to read the marketing case.
I knew from the last class that the case was about contact lenses for chicken.
In the elevator to the library - I am thinking ..well..atleast someone came up with something good that the poor hens can see better.
Who was I kidding?
The case was about a company that came up with opaque contact lenses to "blind" the chickens so that they didnt peck and fight with each other.
Thats not all - the other option is to "debeak" them so that they dont fight with each other. Some half crazy person takes a knife and heats it and debeaks these poor birds.
The lens is supposed to be better as it prevents trauma . Trauma ..not because someones concerned about the birds ..trauma being bad ..because traumatised hens lay less eggs.
This has been the longest day of the year.
I cant wait for it to get over.
They say that things have to get far far far worse before they actually start getting better.
I dont have an option but to believe that.
So I'm going to.
I'm going to get through today and tomorrow and every day of the week ..
Meanwhile - maybe someone will come up with a lens to improve my world view.
Amen.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
End of the world
I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why ev'rything's the same as it was.
I can't understand, no I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does
Vonda Shepard
Have you ever seen someone and you just didn't understand why they did the things they did and said the things they said and thought to yourself - I wonder what her problem is ?
Well - this side of the world - I know exactly what my problem is.
The eternal quest for sunshine.
They say that half of the people who mess up the world - do that while actually trying to make things better. Sometimes its just best to let status quo be status quo. Its the law of averages - question of balance and whatever you may.
I wish I'd known this in February - I wish I'd known this while making the craziest decision of my adult life.
The unfortunate part is - that no matter how much literature you read that tells you to appreciate a good thing when you have it - live in the moment - present is a gift and what not - the only way to really learn what that means - is to let go of a good thing ..maybe of the best thing you ever had in your life ...in search something supposedly much better and get your heart broken, your spirit shattered and your world spun around in the process.
I've had my lesson in leaving this year.
So while I pick up pieces of my life and try to make sense of the jigsaw puzzle that everything seems to have been - my one and single prayer to the cosmos on this rainy july night - when unfortunately everything is actually as bleak as it seems .. is for J K Rowling.
I hope you knew what I found out the hard way when you wrote the hollows.
I hope you let Harry live.
Because from where I stand - If I pick up my copy in 21 days and find out that Harry - even after his crazy mind numbing brave battles..losing his good friends ...almost dying and yet trying to survive ...falls to the dark lord.....just because you too- like me couldnt see too much of a good thing - I wont have anything to write about anymore.
I hope you let Harry live.
For his sake and for mine.
Why ev'rything's the same as it was.
I can't understand, no I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does
Vonda Shepard
Have you ever seen someone and you just didn't understand why they did the things they did and said the things they said and thought to yourself - I wonder what her problem is ?
Well - this side of the world - I know exactly what my problem is.
The eternal quest for sunshine.
They say that half of the people who mess up the world - do that while actually trying to make things better. Sometimes its just best to let status quo be status quo. Its the law of averages - question of balance and whatever you may.
I wish I'd known this in February - I wish I'd known this while making the craziest decision of my adult life.
The unfortunate part is - that no matter how much literature you read that tells you to appreciate a good thing when you have it - live in the moment - present is a gift and what not - the only way to really learn what that means - is to let go of a good thing ..maybe of the best thing you ever had in your life ...in search something supposedly much better and get your heart broken, your spirit shattered and your world spun around in the process.
I've had my lesson in leaving this year.
So while I pick up pieces of my life and try to make sense of the jigsaw puzzle that everything seems to have been - my one and single prayer to the cosmos on this rainy july night - when unfortunately everything is actually as bleak as it seems .. is for J K Rowling.
I hope you knew what I found out the hard way when you wrote the hollows.
I hope you let Harry live.
Because from where I stand - If I pick up my copy in 21 days and find out that Harry - even after his crazy mind numbing brave battles..losing his good friends ...almost dying and yet trying to survive ...falls to the dark lord.....just because you too- like me couldnt see too much of a good thing - I wont have anything to write about anymore.
I hope you let Harry live.
For his sake and for mine.
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