Yeh Hai Meri Kahani

I was at work pretty late today . The first of many nights in GGN .
Luckily I had Strings to keep me company ...

" Ek Yaar ..Dil ki Dhadkan
Apni Chahat ka Ailaan Kiye Jati hai
Jindagi hai jo ..jiye jati hai
Khoon ke ghot piye jati hai
Yaadon ka daman ..katon se ..siye jaati hai

Chupthe Kaatein Yaadon ke - Daman se Chnta hoon
Girti Deewaron ke Anchal mein Zinda Hoon " "


The drive back from home was unusually long . And through my vision blurred by a days works ..I could only think of how lucky I was ..to be inside the car on that cold weary night . Everyday is a constant reminder of the Ovarian Lottery ..that the life that I take for granted right now is mere a chance gift that a few seconds marred would have only been my feeble longing in another set of shoes ....in the same world ..but light years away from what I now know as home .

So today marks the end of my first month in India . Time is a funny thing .
When I want it to pass quickly ..it stretches ...moments turn into lifetimes .
But now when I want it to stand still ..its fleeing . Like the Changing seasons and the waning moon .

And yet ..like Gibran said ..the timeless in me is aware of Lifes timelessness and that whichs sings and contemplates inside me is still dwelling within the bounds of that first moment which scattered the stars into space.

The God who loves you ...

Here's a poem by Carl Dennis, 2004 recipient of the Pulitzer
for poetry.
The winner in poetry this year is Carl Dennis, for his collection Practical Gods. Dennis is Professor of English at the State University of New York at Buffalo, and author of seven other volumes of poetry as well as a book of criticism. He was born in St. Louis and received his doctorate in English literature at the University of California at Berkeley.

The God who Loves you

It must be troubling for the god who loves you
To ponder how much happier you'd be today
Had you been able to glimpse your many futures.
It must be painful for him to watch you on Friday evenings
Driving home from the office, content with your week -
Three fine houses sold to deserving families -
Knowing as he does exactly what would have happened
Had you gone to your second choice for college,
Knowing the roommate you'd have been allotted
Whose ardent opinions on painting and music
Would have kindled in you a lifelong passion.
A life thirty points above the life you're living
On any scale of satisfaction. And every point
A thorn in the side of the god who loves you.
You don't want that, a large-souled man like you
Who tries to withhold from your wife the day's disappointments
So she can save her empathy for the children.
And would you want this god to compare your wife
With the woman you were destined to meet on the other campus?
It hurts you to think of him ranking the conversation
You'd have enjoyed over there higher in insight
Than the conversation you're used to.
And think how this loving god would feel
Knowing that the man next in line for your wife
Would have pleased her more than you ever will
Even on your best days, when you really try.
Can you sleep at night believing a god like that
Is pacing his cloudy bedroom, harassed by alternatives
You're spared by ignorance? The difference between what is
And what could have been will remain alive for him
Even after you cease existing, after you catch a chill
Running out in the snow for the morning paper,
Losing eleven years that the god who loves you
Will feel compelled to imagine scene by scene
Unless you come to the rescue by imagining him
No wiser than you are, no god at all, only a friend

I've Learnt ....

I've learnt ...

I've learnt that Life as we know it is about to change ....enjoy this moment ..one email ..one phonecall ..one person could alter your life forever .

I've learnt that it takes years to build a friendship and only seconds to throw it away ..

I've learnt that when it doubt - eating ice cream always helps .

I've learnt that its better to craft a soul than spend hours building a resume .

I've learnt that you find out more about yourself during an ice storm , power cut , car wreck and roadtrip than you have in 4 years of college.

I've learnt that life has a way for making sure that even though you think you've gotten lost , you are somehow in the place that needs you the most .

I've learnt that the radio someohow taps into my inner being and plays music I absolutely need to hear that very moment .

I;ve learnt that theres no such thing as a new beginning , and there are no battles you can hide from and things really dont change that much unless you do .
You have to learn to make the most of what you have every second .

I've learnt that smiling helps .

I've learnt that you can learn more about Life from an average 10 year old than most
adults.

I've learnt that best friend is truly a superlative - theres only one , at any time .

I've learnt that getting highlights in my hair , or getting a new haircut puts me in a
good mood .

I've learnt that never take what you think about while running on a treadmill seriously .
Adrenalin impairs judgement.

I've learnt that diets dont work - you have to workout everyday to lose weight .

I've learnt that everywhere people are the same , they have the same hopes dreams fears aspirations and heartbeats . And theres good people everywhere .

I've learnt that I've solved quite a few of my own problems while debugging code .

I've learnt that I've noticed more things about my office on a friday late night jaunt than in months of 9-5 routines .

I've learnt that when I'm deeply upset or hurt - it always rains .

I've learnt that silence is the hardest kind of strength .

I've learnt that it its hard to feel unhappy in sunlight .

I've learnt that if you dont stand for something , you fall for anything .

I've learnt that if you have an open mind , a loving heart and good intent - nothing can
stop you from doing what you truly want to do .

I've learnt that on a given day - I have more than what half of the third world wakes up to every single day of their lives .

I've learnt that if the world was to end tommorrow and I had a choice to take 3 things with me ..I'd take my sense of humor , integrity and my mother .

Kal Ho na Ho

I wonder often why in Hindi - Kal ...which for most people means Tommorrow also means Yesterday .
Is it because even in our near future ..our distant past ..is always present .
Is life really like a fibonacci series - Where everything adds up ..and the whole is always a sum of its parts ?
Are second chances truly a myth ?

I think that we cant leave who we were and what we did and what happened to us behind and start afresh .
The only way to leave our past behind is to embrace it ..and carry it with us ..in the present ..in the kal and let it guide us and steer us .

The Past is a funny thing . It plays such an integral role in shaping us and making us who and what we are in the present . But more often than not - we shirk away from it , wanting to change and be a different person altogether .
Most people see the past in a better light than it really was ...think that the present is not as good as it really is ..and are way too uncertain about the future .

Earlier this year I was reading a book that said ...dont be afraid of today ..Today is the tommorrow we were all afraid of yesterday and it is here already .

Today is the day you could change everthing ..overcome your deepest fear ..bury your greatest misgiving ..accomplish your biggest dream and create magic .

Yesterday someone sent me the sweetest email that said that 2006 was slated to be the best year ever . That no matter what the Chinese Calendar said ...
2006 was not going to be the "Year of the Horse" or the "Year of the Pig" ...
it was and indeed will be "The Year of the Kau "

*cracking up *

So signing off for today ...all you blog readers ..smile a little wider ..walk a little taller ... There will always be a Kal ..and it will be a bright and sunny one .But Today is fleeting ..it is here and in less than 24 hours ..it will be gone. So Carpe Diem ! Seize the Day !

Searching my Soul Tonight

I've been down this road,
Walking the line that's painted by pride,
And I have made mistakes in my life that i just can't hide.
But I believe I'm ready,
For what love has to bring,
I've got myself together,
Now i'm ready to sing.
I've been searching my soul tonight.
I know there's so much more to life.
Now I know I can shine a light,
to find my way back home.


This week was especially hard . Friday seemed like it had a life of its won and would never end . But end ..it did . And I was soo exhausted , I just went home and sat on my couch for 10 minutes and did nothing .
Then Soraya , Jason , Charlotte and me went to Brix to get some Dinner .
Thank god for Friends and sanity of thought .
Its weird to think that we lived in the same country for years ..some in the same city even ..But we had to travle all this way to meet each other , get to know each other and support each other .
If Chance Encounters amount to anything - I'm glad about this one .
This one is for the three of you , my pep me up when I'm down , make me laugh until I want to cry ..make even the most exasperating week or car ride seem like fun Friends !
Thank you !

A little piece of my heart

If you are ever in New Delhi ..especially in the winter when the sky is overcast with clouds and a slight chill in the air take a walk . Take a walk down Janpath ..have a chai cutting and let the colors and hustle bustle warm long forgotten corners in your heart . Then if you're still longing for another whiff of life ..walk further and ask for the Bangle Market near Hanuman Mandir .
Its such a sweet coincidence that just last week I wrote on this very blog that I thought I was in a real life version of Sarojini Naidus "Bangle Sellers" ..and yesterday I was walking and I ran into my own thought :)

...Charlotte and I spent the entire day walking around CP and Janpath area and followed a very nice lady to the Bangle Market .
We took some shady roads along the way but like they say ..sometimes when you take a leap of faith ..you do actually end up flying and yesterday was one of those days .

We went to a very nice banglewallah ..called Razia Mehandi . He drove me a rough bargain but when he found out I am from Amchi Mumbai ..like a tru Mumbaikar warmed up considerably . After we paid him ..we still lingered around the store and chatted with him . He kept calling me Beti and was looking at me so affectionately ..its like one of those freak meetings when you run into someone but you feel like you've known them from some place before ..He called his little spot boy and said something to him that I didnt catch ..and then the guy went backdorrs and came back with the prettiest bangles I'd seen . I had already bought my bangles but these new bangles were so me it was ridiculous ...that a shopkeeper I had neevr met before would so accurately guage what I would like ..and pick out bangles I would have only dreamt of but never picked myself .
Then he asked for my hand and put them on ..and said ..Khuda Hafis ..He didnt charge me for bangles he picked out .

I was thinking about the bangle sellers long after I left Janpath and came back to the hotel where the crisp tones of the very gracious housekeeping staff were a stark contrast to the vivacious banter I'd experienced all day long .

In a very wordsworthian way .."The music in my heart I bore long after it was heard no more "

Salaam Delhi !

Got a right to be Wrong

Weather : Slightly Overcast
Mood : Blue
Chance of Tears : maybe
Weekend : Hopefully Sunny with Clear skies

I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
i`ve got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone
I'm not made of stone
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
i`ve got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

You're entitled to your opinion
But it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be
Don't smother me with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm going to faced it willingly

I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
Flesh and blood to the bone
See, I'm not made of stone
I've got a right to be wrong

Joss Stone

CRAVE

Last night was Gaurav's last night in GGN (as a SME anyways)
So we had a party for him at a club called CRAVE .
It was inside a mall in GGN - I find that so funny that all the malls have clubs in them .
I think one day there will be little mall worlds ..where people can just go and live .
How would that be - I wonder if you could by a place in a mall and convert it into a studio .
That way would never have to drive to the mall .
This is such Random BS that I better stop now .

Just another Manic Monday

Another Day ..Another Story . So my team celebrated my belated birthday this Monday . They got me a bunch of the nicest flowers ever! and proceeded to plaster my face with Birthday Cake !
I think I am going to start wearing cake instead of makeup . It makes more people smile anyways !
The more birthdays I celebrate - the more I realise that deep down inside I'm always going to be a child ....who believes in magic ..fairy tales ..happy endings and that deep down inside everyone is good . Hope is a funny thing . Infact ..somesay ..that Hope is everything . Get busy living ..or get busy dying ..and every year as I blow the now increasing number of candles out and cut the cake ..I have more reasons to celebrate than the year before and for that I am thankful .
The question though is that when did I become an adult ..and how do I make it stop :)

Weekend Wows

Pic1 : Jason and Kau at the Grand Lounge
Pic2 : Soraya , Hassan and Kau






Sunset over New Delhi


India wins the 2nd ODI at Bangalore ! Jiyo Sar Uthake !!!
Gaurav , Kau and Hassan celebrating




At Pizza Hut on Janpath , Jason showing the desi folks how to dance on "Backstreet's Back " Alright !



My Faux Pas Jewellery Store ( read on for more details !)


So my first weekend in Delhi started on a very crazy note !

Friday night work was done at 9 pm . Our cars did not show up till past 10 pm .
Then with Shaadi season going on ...we were stuck in relentless traffic for over 3 hours . At 12 midnight ..When our car hadnt moved for about 20 mins or so ..Gaurav , Hassan and I got out of the car ..left our Laptops in the boot and actually walked on the road for a good bit . It was cold and my shoes complained the most .But it was a lot of fun !
The net result was that I didnt go to Agra on saturday because I was too tired !
Instead we went to Palika Bazaar and Janpath ..and it was soo funny for me because I was walking with Jason and he was getting so much attention for the sellers ..who treid to sell him everything from gum , sun glasses , shoes , flutes ,agarbatti stands and who ever knows what else ! ...and they tried to sell me all that stuff too ! ...lol..we went to Pizza Hut and the waiters got up and danced and we told them it was Jason;s Birthday and they made him get up and dance with them 1
And the funniest was that it was to a backstreet boys video and He was so cute and sporting ! They loved him and we all had such a good time !

Meanwhile at Palika Bazaar - I had the most embarassing story of my trip so far happen to me ! ...So my obsession for chunky jewellery is a legend by now ..so I dare not elaborate ..but one can never have enough :) ..so when I noticed a really big ..amethyst , garnet and topaz studded pendant in the display window of this store for 115 rupees ..I practically fainted ! ...I went in very cautiously and asked to see a ring ..just to scope the store out . So I picked a ring for 220 rupees
and then started bargaining like crazy ..because logically if the pendant was three times the size of the ring ..the ring shouldnt be more expensicve than the pendant right ! ...lol ! ..at this point the lady who owned the store pretty much laughed at me and said that the pendant cost a freaking fortune ..but the silver chain it was on cost 115 rupees ! ...hahahhahahhahahah!
So much for my ambitious plans !

All in all ..it was a great day . Walked around the street in Janpath some more and brushed up on some bargaining skills ! ..everything was so bright and colorful ..I really thought I was in a real time version of Sarojini Naidus Bangle Sellers !

Life is dazzling and bright here ..Everyone is so hopeful and sincre in their efforts to sell something to you ..get their moneys worth or just see the items on display ...Its beautiful and beauty this side of the world does rest in the eyes of the beholder ..from the kids who try to sell you pillow covers for 500 rupees ..but really ...all they want is a dream in exchange for their ardious efforts ...to the flute players who try to sell you a flute ..nevermind that you dont know how to play it ..but every life does need a melody of some sort in it ..and the shrewd shawl sellers who claim that everything in their store is a pashmina ...afterall ..its perception that matters ...and what is caterpillar calls the end of the world ..the master does indeed call a butterfly .

Illusions...

"The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?

Think about these once in awhile, and watch your answers change. "

- from "Illusions, The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah"


I have a feeling that when I am 80 years old and decide to write a book about my life ..(what I remember of it anyway ) ..that the next few months are going to be a really pivotal few chapters .
You know that feeling ..when you think you are in the right place at the right time and in the right farme of mind ..that something big is happening ...you just dont know what role it has to play or what it signifies ..but that it will ultimately make a difference ..a small one or maybe a big one ..but a difference nonetheless..

I have a feeling that next few months ..with the changing answers ..the questions are going to change as well.

A Wonderful Stroke of Luck !

Pictures : Shelita (Batch SME from woodlands and Kau )
SME;s having a good time at Buzz , City Center Mall ,GGN



Sitting here in Guragon India , I wondered today ..how did my journey start ?
I feel an excitement in my bones that only a free person can feel at the onset of a journey whose outcome is unknown ..for the most part perhaps .

It was Chinese New Year 2005 and I was at Beatrix and Joyce's place to share the celebration with them . There were about 10 people in the room and we played a game . There was a basket with cards in it ..and it was passed around . Each card had enough foreign currency in it ..to buy you a meal in the country ..So as it made its fateful rounds ..people picked out Euros ..and Other currecny . I was the 2nd last person to have a shot ..and I picked up the only card ..that had Indian Currency in it !!!!!!!!!!

It was a sign !! ..and if I didnt believe in signs then ..I do now .

Today I spent the 50 rupees on some samsoas and tea ..and still ahve some more change . It was the Kodak moment of my 26 year old life !

A few years ago ..I was really upset and angry ..at everything beacuse I really really wanted something and even though everything I'd known was tied and invested it it ..I couldnt have it .

Today ..lights years later ..I know for a fact ..that not getting what I wanted was perhaps the best thing that ever happened to me in my life .
Inshah Allah !
Have a good weekend !

Rohan!!!!!!

So I finally got to see the one person I had been waiting to see for over a year !!!
My nephew Rohan !!!!!
He is the cutest smartest sweet baby ever !!!!!
I';m just not going to say anything ..posting pictures from that weekend!!!
I cant even tell you how happy I am right now !!

Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani!!!!

So I finally break my 2 week silence ..its not that there hasnt been much to talk about ..quite the contrary ..sometimes words are simply not eloquent enough . This is one of those times .

Life is beautiful and the world is growing smaller by the minute . 2 weeks ago ..I was in my apartment ,packing and moving boxes and watching the fall grow colder and colder ushering in a cold winter ..and now ....I'm in New Delhi ..India is Shining ..and the 50 celcius temperature has not much to do with the warmth one feels here ..Home Again :)

So let me start by posting some pictures !

My Birthday was awesome !
Ushma surprised me by sending me the most phenomenol birthday cake ever !!! ...and it arrived at 12 midnight ..My parents were looking at my expectantly hoping that it was from a boyfriend they didnt know about ....but alas ! ..:)

I had an awesome day ..I had two Birthday Cakes ..one from Mom too ..Then I spent the entire day eating Chilli Chicken and Drinking beer in Legacy of China with Anurag and Sandeep ..who probably happen to be my oldest friends ...and then went out at night with Vinay Alok Mini Jaisinh Unnati Rupa Ankur and Rohit to some place called "Firangi Ka Dhaba " and ate some more rocking food !!!

I always thought that my 26th year was going to be the best ..but I think the 27th one is going to be the besttt ever !!!!!( and that was said in my usual style ..lol! )