Tick Tock

From my heart to yours, Happy New Year.
Heres to laughter and love in the new year.
Heres to finding new friends and overcoming old fears in the new year.
Heres to discovering new places and books.
Heres to staying healthy and happy.
Heres to finding balance while falling in love with life.
Heres to yet another chance and yet another year at getting it right.
If through some series of cosmic coincidences - you've made it to this blog and this post - I'm glad our paths crossed - in cyber space nonetheless.
Much Metta 2009.

Fitness First

I believe in Fitness.
I believe that my body is a temple and the gym is its altar.
I believe in showing up to pray. Everyday.
In Water, Sunblock and Wristbands - I trust.
I've never met a running trail I did not like.
Especially after the first mile.
I have faith in pushups.
When I lift weights - It makes me feel lighter.
On the inside.
Sweat makes for wonderful makeup and a towel can be a great accessory.
I love the view from the floor of the gym when I'm working out my abs.
I love to see the morning light up from my treadmill.
Screeching rubber makes a wonderful background score for the day
And I believe in giving my heart a strong beating.
I believe that I have a relationship with working out.
It is a complicated and challenging one - like most relationships.
But its got potential and needs commitment and hard work.
And we've got what it takes to be happy together.
I believe in putting Fitness First.
Chocolate is a distant second.

Citylights

In my dreams and often outside, I find myself in strange lands.
On the brink of new cultures, customs, cuisines and celebrations.
Inside my heart, I yearn to find a piece of Bombay everywhere I go.
It doesnt stop me from enjoying or experiencing the unknown.
Just heightens the anticipation of discovering something, a face, a place, a feeling ..close to home.
My city with the two patron godesses - Mumbadevi and Mount Mary. They are everywhere. Mostly inside my mind.
Bombay.
I've loved someone here.
I've lost someone here.
I've found someone here.
I've left it.
I've missed it.
I've dissed it.
I've had faith here.
I've been empty here.
I've cried in public places here.
I've laughed in the silence of solitude here.
And I keep coming back.
This city has shaken me, taken me and shaped me.
This past weekend - I went for an early morning walk in old bombay.
Saw the beautiful flora fountain welcome the morning sun, the dust particles dance aplenty in the hallowed aisles of the david sasoon library, heard christmas choir at St Thomas's cathedral and went fruit shopping at the austere Crawford market.
Even after all these years, it made me cry- a little on the inside, made me come to life in a way I had not before.
As I ended the walk with brunch at Cafe Mondegar, I had an overwhelming feeling that somehow God was in Bombay and he had found me that day.
And just when I was shaking my curly head and dismissing my foolish idea, Abba played on the juke box and I knew it was true.
The only journeys that make sense are the ones that bring you back home.
To a new home, or an old home ..or as in my case - a new old home.
Amen.

FrangiPlani

John Lennon once said that Life was what happened to us while we were busy making other plans. Yet - I simply cannot resist.
Last year I stuck to 10 out of the 19 resolutions I made. Dismal I know.
But this year, I plan to do better - what can I say ?
So here is my plan for 2010...and while I will be super busy as usual with the hazaar plans - hopefully more than ever - I plan to have a good time too :)
1. Eat 28 grams of Fiber every day.
2. Stick to my financial plan
3. Find a new job
4. Visit the Haji Ali Dargah in Mumbai
5. Make a trip to Udaipur
6. Learn to play chess
7. Learn Greek Mythology
8. Stay in a bed and breakfast at Pondicherry
9. See the Blue Mosque in Istanbul
10. Go Swimming once a week (L - shamelessly making the list again this year from last years list)
11. Work out 5 days a week
12. Take darshan of Lalbaugcha Raja
13. Document one new Heritage walk and take a group of friends for the walk
14. Visit Vaishnodevi temple
15. Learn the alphabet in sign language
16. Learn to play the Guitar
17. Drink 3 liters of water a day
18. Watch one foreign film a month
19. Visit the Sula Vineyards for a wine tasting trip
20. Drive Mumbai to Pune
21. Learn to parallel park like JD does :)

Yet Again

Yet again, The Alchemist comes to the rescue...and I have perspective.
Excerpt follows:

"So, what should I do now?" the boy asked.
Continue in the direction of the Pyramids," said the alchemist. "And continue to pay heed to the omens. Your heart is still capable of showing you where the treasure is."
"Is that the one thing I still needed to know?"
"No," the alchemist answered.
"What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most people give up. It's the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one `dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.'
"Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested."
The boy remembered an old proverb from his country.
It said that the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn.

2009 : An Obituary

2009

My Grandmom died.

Micheal Jackson died.

George O'Malley died

General Motors died.

Tiger wood's squeaky clean image died.

2009.

A year when it was so freaking hard to keep optimism alive.

And between you and me, with another 15 days to go, I'm not sure what the verdict on that is.

This year - I have learnt to look at the cosmos and the havoc it can wreck on my life with R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

So Goodbye 2009.

I dont want to infuriate you so I wont wax any more eloquent stuff on how you jammed me inspite of being the year of the ox - which with a petname like Kau should have technically been a path breaking year for me.

Lets just say paths may not have broken .. but lots of other things got shattered during the year and we can leave it at that for now.

So here is my annual checkup on what this year taught me. With a ruler and knuckle rapping.

I've learnt that ...

1. Turning my life's problems into literature ..doesnt actually solve them.

2. I dont believe in past lives and reincarnation.

3. The hard part about growing older is watching the people you thought were gods show signs of being human

4. I can do the work of two people. But I cannot be two people. It sucks to not have close friends around.

5. When your heart breaks ....it doesnt all fall apart at the same time. Some pieces take years to fall off

6. It is freaking hard to eat 25 grams of fibre a day

7. Morning workouts work great for me

8. I may drown myself in chocolate .. but that doesnt change the fact that I am drowning

9. It is hard to live in changing times with unchanging principles

10. Its far too easy to be negative for it to be useful

11. Never underestimate the power of just taking deep breaths

12. I have a huge crush on Dhoni

13. Sometimes things have to get real ugly for them to get real

14. I refuse to shake my faith in God irrespective of what happens in my life. He has a plan and I have the rest of my life to find out what it is.

15. My life can be changed completely in an instant by people who dont even know me

16. Everyone has a purpose. And this year - I have discovered that my purpose is to be useful, productive and responsible. Its not to be happy. That would simply not be enough.

17. My number one dream in life is to have a dog and it has been this way since the past 25 odd years..and I cannot wait to make it come true

18. Ahh the difference between having a nightmare and waking up into one

19. Family can come from unexpected places.

20. When I cry hard enough - even water proof mascara runs - I think it may have something to do with the saline content of tears

21. My poker face - is oscar worthy

22. I was lucky to get to the other side of this year

The best thing about 2009 - was that it came one day at a time.

So Thank you 2009.

For shaking the martini of my life so hard... that it almost spilt over.

The Glass is still half full though.

And I'm fighting darn hard to keep it that way.

Amen.

No Retreat No Surrender

I've learnt to admire bowling pins this year.
Beacuse they get knocked down almost as often as I have this year - but manage to get back up all the time. Which in my case, these past few waning months has been entirely debatable.
I've also learnt to respect kites this year.
Beacuse they rise against the winds. Forget rising - I'd give anything to even flutter at the moment.
And I've also learnt to admire mushrooms.
Beacuse they've made it an art of growing in the dark. Instead of waiting for the light like some other people like me.
Its funny - the things that I learn and observe while I'm knocked down.
Knocked Down .. but not out.
So today, 20 days before the end of the year, I'm done.
I'm done with all the bullshit.
So I'm officially shaking my fist at the cosmos and saying - send me your worst and I'm going to give you my best.
No Retreat No Surrender.
Not today.

Day like today ..

Every once in a while, I have days when I just dont want to get out of bed.
When my alarm rings - all I want to do is pull the sheets back over my head and drift away.
In 2009, almost every other day has been like this.
But I still have to get up, face my demons and battle with them until another day comes to an end.
Some days last much longer than others.
But they always come to an end.
Even the longest, hardest, most excruciating day - lasts only 24 hours.
Whats interesting is - what I usually get to tell myself at the end of the day and at the start of the next one.
Its usually a combination of many things.
That I should take things one day at a time ... but when the whole year passes like that .. I think I shoulkd change this to - one year at a time :)
That things have to get much worse before the usually get better.
That I'm being a selfish ass and seeing only the things that are not working and ignoring the things that are.
That things are going to change.
That I should try and preserve my optimism - and not waste it on some random year that surpassed all years in its nothingness.
That I should breathe in and breathe out and just put one step ahead of the other.
Its always a toss up.
One of them usually does the trick and gets me going.
And then - there are days like today, when I just dont see a reason. To get up...and battle.
But I still do.
Beacuse that reason is out there somewhere - and if I dont find it today.
That will be the reason - I get up and get going tomorrow.
I'm 31 years old, and my city is Mumbai
Thank God, I have enough.

Spin Cycle

I wish I had met Newton.
I want to buy him a drink. Maybe two.
Honestly - though if such a meeting were ever to be arranged - I am sure I would be downing shots while he detoxed on apple juice.
The last month - my life has been a living experiment that proves his laws over and over and over. I learnt these laws in 10th grade for the first time and repeatedly through college- but if I had known their implications on my personal life - I would have taken them more seriously for sure.
I now know why Science is so close to Religion.
First Law : A body persists in its state of rest of uniform motion unless acted upon by an external force
Newton be dammned - I can prove how this force can be an internal force too. One day you are cruising along and the next day you are roadkill. Control is a word that should be scratched from the dictionary. Let me make this easier. The keyboard. I am typing on it. But if the gravitational force changed - just a little bit .. I could be banging my head on it for a long time instead.
Second Law: F equals MA.
I'm more interested in the corollary though. If a body has more than one forces acting upon it - then the new acceleration of the body is the vector sum of all the individual accelerations.
Replace acceleration by aggravation - I rest my case.
Third Law: To every action - there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Unfortunately as I have recently discovered - this action is rarely immediate.
It takes years to understand the horrors of decisions taken and actions made.
The ridiculous part is that offlate - I feel like I've gone from one extreme of the third law to the other. From playing khel khel mein with emotional landmines - to a state of perpetual residence in an exceptionally strong and vagrant force field - where no action produces a reaction. Faraday would be so proud of me.

Fortunately for me, I was also a fairly keen student of Geography and could make the connect when I found my world spinning out of control.
The earths spin as I remember is the fastest at the equator and reduces gradually as one moves towards the poles.
That having been said - I am actively considering a change of residence to either of the poles in an attempt to achieve the impossible and gain control again.
Somethings I guess - Never change.