Free Falling

The second half of the year always makes me restless.

For the past 7 years I always attributed it to the rapidly changing weather - especially post July. When the hot summer orange sunsets in Atlanta would slowly blurr into crisp cold October evenings adorned with a shower of leaves and then slowly make way for the bitter grey month of November,I would be waiting to be rescued once again by the warmth of christmas lights and occasionally gentle snowflakes.

I'd spend the first half of the year planning and running around ..but post October, it was time for fireplaces, warm scarves, coffee with close friends and much of retrospection, reading and writing. Times when I'd lie in bed on nights twice as starry as this and listen to the howling wind and wonder what change it was going to bring.



I wish I could be dramatic and say that it was hearbreak ..but truth be told, it was Fall that made a writer out of me.

Maybe there wasn't much to do those few bleak months that I'd spend alone ..wandering through the streets of my memories. Or maybe peppermint mocha had some kind of an artistic aphrodisiac ..or maybe writing was the only way I could slow down the fleeting time and hold on to the quickly waning year. A million different reasons as usual. No single version of the truth.

I'd like to think that like all times - it was times of hardship and solitude that stirred the creative instincts but then again, there were times when even the dripping ice outside my porch has a method to it and the crisp almost sharp edge that the turquoise sky had on Sunday mornings in December seemed vaguely comforting.

Fall. Bold, Beautiful, Moving. With is bright wardrobe to the tunes of a million gusts of strong west wind. A symphony of change that made me yearn for the familiar and hold on to it with a passion that sometimes even surprised me.

This year - In India, its a stunning change.
Everyday has kinda looked the same weather wise. No Change. The sun shines dutifully each day and the few hours of dark and twilight seem to be too short. Someone once said that there was no such thing as bad weather - it was just several different types of good weather.

But more often than not, I find that the internal clocks inside my head do not have to coincide with whats going on in the solar system. Then even when it rains - my soul is parched and there is something like too much sunshine. Weather, I carry inside my heart.
and so even though the year has started its slow descent, I think winter this year for me, inside my mind has already passed.
Right now Right here, its springtime in September and I am running barefoot in a field full of sunny daisies.
Thank God I have enough.

Moonlight

Moonlight

The whisper of a dream
in the midst of the night

A dash of hope

in the silver frosted light

Barefoot in the moonlight

in a field of stars

I search in silence

for the place where you are

And just when the sweet night

is at her wits end

When the hint of dawn

is about to descend

I reach out my hand

and stardust I find

For the place where you are

is but inside my mind

Ramblings

Somedays they say - are just made for the rains. Welcome to today.
I dont know whether it comes from being a Scorpio- but rains make me wonder. I think like most water signs - I am thoroughly enchanted, humbled and mesmerised by the wonders and the fury of the rains. They quench my soul with a desire to introspect and attribute meaning to bypassing events from days long ago.
This morning I lay in bed and looked out of my window at the torrents lash the green lawns of student village one. It reminded me of other mornings - from years long gone where I would do the same. Life was much different back then. There was excitement and comfort and the kind os nervous energy that only a new place fosters. There was also much love and much faith. There were phones that would ring with random cheer and impromptu plans to watch movies and explore coffeeshops.
Different time, Different place, Different people. Same me.
Amongst other things - rains make me feel immensely thankful. Its such a privilege to be indoors on stormy days as these, drawing inspiration from the odd cup of masala chai, warmth from a blanket and perspective from a good read. It makes my heart ache for the people who will be getting soaked on the outside with no shelter to protect them from these september slushes.
Rains make me crave for old friends. There is something strangly comforting about spending a rainy sunday afternoon with a old friend in a torrential thunderstorm.
When I was a kid - I used to love getting soaked in the rains. Nowadays - theres all kinds of fancy protection - from umbrellas to jackets to what not. The crazy thing is - my heart gets drenched anywhichways.
A long time ago - I used to work at the student activities center at UF. One fine sunny day in August of 2002- I was given the all important task of drawing a chalk invitation graffitti for a soccer match on the tiled pathway of Reitz Union. I saw this a chore aptly fitting my so called artistic abilities. Spent the entire afternoon making the worlds largest ornate design. Unfortunately - it started getting windy and dark and 15 minutes later - the rains washed away my days work. No graffitti - no pay. I remember standing in the rains - crying my heart out.
It was weird but I knew in my heart that I had been crying for everything other than the doomed graffiti. Made me smile afterwards.
Then an hour later - I quickly got back and drew a second much uglier hurried graffitti. Best 10 bucks I made in my life.
It comes back to me - on mornings like today. When I am all comfortable, secure and smiling at the wonder of it all. I remember the passion, the force and the weight and the eye of that storm. But the reality is that if it werent for the changing weather, zillions of people would have nothing to talk about. And even when it rains and soaks the crap out of your plans -rains do a darn good job of wiping tears away.
So while it may be the best to be happy and secure indoors on a day like today - I'm going for a walk in the rains.

Time

Exactly one year ago - on this very day a group of 5 girlfriends met at a quiet townhome in north georgia. They were celebrating the first step that I had taken on a long journey - a journey that I had been preparing for a very long time but that had just begun to unfold.
Brownies and dominos provided us food for thought and the slight rain was some good background music.
To tell the truth, I was scared out of my mind. I was about to change everything that I had spent so long putting into place and life without my friends - seemed impossible. But I have always been lucky - my friends were my anchors. They were determined to be optimistic about everything and somewhere in my heart - I had my mind made up.
Its been a year since that day - but I remember it vividly. I remember our laughter, Dawn saying "it depends" and Faiza shaking her head in disbelief at hindi movies ..Beatrix saying that she had seen 3 reruns of a SRK movie on a flight back home and Elizabeth smiling at me.
All I have to do is close my eyes and the entire evening flashes by in slow motion.
If we had known that the year that followed was going to alter life so dramatically - maybe our soiree would have lasted a bit longer, maybe we would have had more wine , or maybe we would have been a bit sombre.
Thats the funny thing about life. It changes in a heartbeat. Some of our decisions had been made a long time ago and others unraveled in the year that followed. I can safely say that all of us thought we were going to go through the year ... but the cards dealt demanded that we all grow through the year.
If I stop back and think about the cumulative change that occurred in our mutual 5 lives in the last 365 days - I have to take a deep breath. ..and the funny thing is .. it make me smile in a way that brings tears to my eyes.. because even though we are changing so much - and almost becoming different people - I know inside my heart that things only change upto a point.
And beyond that point - whether we are in different cities , countries or continents - all that matters is that we look back at that evening with wonder and look ahead with hope and carry the voice of reason in our hearts and know that by chance or by choice , our paths are meant to cross yet again.
Thank God I have enough.

My ode to an abend

This poem is dedicated to my wonderful wonderful 4 years in Atlanta - each one of them a gift - each one of them happier than the one before.
On pale nights like today - I am gripped with passion about much I miss the days gone by and the beautiful people who made it all worthwhile !
Memories are wonderful ways of bringing back favorite yesterdays
I miss you team UPS !
Batch rocks !

My ode to an abend

I'd survive a long drive
On our friendly 285
I'd say hello to a cup of coffee
the slow reboot and message from mcafee

Payroll on thursdays and Hr stream on weekends
sprinkled with some good old fashioned abends
222's and soc4's all over the place
I'd tinker away with the biggest smile on my face

The worlds not the same without a workflow or two
and atleast AE's annual and not monthly (phew!)
So we assume hours among other things
Whats a few more TPA'S when all my heart does is sing

Whoever thot of macros -I wanna shake his hand
and take him for a walk in dependent verification land
and then we'll sit together and bust a test case or more
unlike Atta that zips through them ..for us its still a chore

I loved the heated sagas over the zillion crazy prints
and the special headcount runs with a million custom stints
I even loved the cobol with all its dreadful compiles
For when I did fix it - it brought me many smiles

The workbench was my friend - I'd have it open all the time
and I have to mention GUI - only to make this rhyme
I even miss the aqua's , the spufis and the pops
All the fun I used to have - I wish it hadnt stopped

I even miss the PV with all its nervous zeal
just for the relief the next morning I would feel
I'd like to maybe say hello - to a friendly trace
F1,S1,R1,R2 - just looking for a familiar place

The coders, testers, QAM'S
LSA'S SA',S and Batch
Lets sub all the jobs together
and have a fastest CPU time match !

How I miss my batch world and all my fun friends
Now I just think of them from the worlds other end
I hope to see them someday and tell them how good it was
For now -I'll just miss an abend - with utter pathos.