Zindagi - Non Stop

Crossing roads can be a tricky thing.
Especially on a street with a zillion cars, commuters, pedestrians, vendors, beggars and stray animals….
Its usually just come and go.

Yesterday, I stood next to a 20 something year old man on a narrow road divider and noticed something written on his T shirt as he crossed the road in from of me.
His bright green T shirt had a caption at the back that said

“Station: Apni Life”
Show: Zindagi –NON STOP”

It brought a smile to my face at the end of a long murky day that had left many questions floating in the air much like the aftermath of a dust storm.
I really resonated with what it said.
Life is Non Stop isn’t it.
There’s no time for commercial breaks or retakes or post production edits or air brushing.
It’s the real thing. ..and maybe like U2 said .. Even better than the real thing.
I once read something that said. “Expect Nothing – Live frugally on surprise”
I somehow have a completely opposite approach to my life.
I expect the very best and likewise I would hate for anyone to expect any lesser from me…and when I do something that brings a smile or induces a hug …how terrible it would be ...for that to be a surprise.
I guess that’s why my Life ka station – plays some sad songs in addition to the happy songs that play the rest of the time. But Non Stop for sure.
Bajate Raho.

Mary Mary ..Quite Contrary

What I've learnts from my plants:

Buds bloom into flowers only in the depths of the night. So stay positive, even when things are dark because that’s what it takes to make life blossom into something meaningful.

Always look for sunlight. No matter which direction or corner, life may put you in…Keep looking for what makes you bright and happy.

Not every plant bears flowers all year round. There are times when you just have to play the waiting game.

Cultivate strong roots. Most people see only whats on the outside, above the surface. But what makes us who we are is whats inside, underneath it all. So build a foundation that will outlive the external bearings. You will not regret it.

Let the wind kiss you silly. You never know what it’s going to bring your way.

You can go without water for a day or two. Even when you think you can’t, and how impossible it is to go on …you have the strength…at least for a little longer than you expect to hold on.

Sometimes crows will visit you and sometimes butterflies. Treat them both alike.

Inorder to grow, sometimes you will have to shed leaves. And this is why the process of growing up is often painful. Beacause we have to let go of what we are so that we may become who were are meant to be.

Spring is always just a few seasons away. The only season that is constant is the only called “Change” So don’t brood over the unfathomable. ..This too shall pass

It takes all types of plants to make a beautiful garden. Any change, any other way and Life would not be as beautiful or multi dimensional.

Hope

Hope is a funny thing.
Without it, I am nothing.
In this crazy life of mine, I may have some really bad experiences, I may make horrible choices and mistakes of devastating proportions.
At times like these, I may just wander. Without a sense of direction or belonging.
I may lose perspective, support systems, spirit to fight, ..when times are tough, I may even lose my laughter and my smile.
I may be on what I call Cruise Control mode....when days attack me ..and I defend the little ground I stand on. Blow after Blow. Reeling under the onslaught on my sense of wonder, optimism and happiness.
But days when I have hope. I have EVERYTHING.
Beacuse it means that I am still me. Version 20. But still me. That I still have something that makes me get up each morning and make promises to myself.
It is scary. To have Hope.
Especially after having your dreams explode in technicolor in front of your own eyes, so many times in so many different places,..that the next time it happens.. I dont feel any loss .. just nostalgia.
So to feel hopeful, is to feel all at once powerless against a strange often misguided force, to feel a loss of control...like I am writing someones name on pieces of my heart and hoping that they dont scatter. I also put numbers - so its easier to put it all back together after the freak show is over.
So to feel hopeful, is to feel afraid.
And sometimes, feeling afraid is a wonderful thing.
Because it reminds me how much infact I still have to lose...and that even at the end of weeks like this, when so much has shattered and so much has broken down, I still have a chance at being Human.
Amen.

On my mind

This weekend as I stayed mostly indoors - nursing the remnants of a bad cold infection. I had a chance to sit back, observe and absorb some very random things that stayed on my mind.

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I happened to play with a golden retreiver Simba that someone in the neighbouring building has. This dog is gorgeous, knows it and has a serious attitude problem. Lol! ..He just doesnt give me any bhav. But I faithfully petted him anyways and noticed that he has 5 paws on the front foot and 4 on the hind foot... few minutes later ..I saw a family of on cat and 7 kittens laze around in my building compound...Then I noticed the same thing with the kittens. .. 5 on front and 4 on hind.

HOW can I be 30 years old and not know this???? And I'm a self confessed dog lover and cat enthusiast! ..Scam only ..I guess everyday I learn something new:)

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I also realized when I saw a movie on Saturday ..that my favorite movies, TV shows have all been ones that have had narrators .. Shawshank Redemption, Kal ho na ho, Greys Anatomy, Sex and the City, Bridget Jones Diary, The Holiday, March of the Penguins, Sisterhood of the Travelling pants ..and most recently .. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ... wow .. just a happy coincidence or something more here ?

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I was watching Kill Bill 1-2 on TV over the weekend and some things just caught my eye like they'd never before. The part where Bill is telling The Bride's daughter why Mommy is mad at Daddy - He said something terribly profound. He says " And just when I shot her..I realised how sad it made me. But somethings, when they are done ..just cannot be undone"..It really made me think about some of those moments that I've had in my life -- where I've made split second decisions that have changed everything. Or had thoughts - that just thinking them and feeling in a particular way means that things will never be the same again.

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I was also thinking about this obsession that movie makers and movie watchers have about non-living objects that yield infinite powers to their possesors and transform the bearers into godly creatures capable of a world of good and great ..or abject dark terror and violence when in the wrong hands.

Objects in question : Hatori Hanzo sword, Light Sabers, Harry Potter's wand, Johnny Sokko's watch in the Giant Robot, He-man's Sword, Jack Sparrow's Compass, The ring - in LOTR ..and many others. What is this fascination and where does it come from ? .....

I think the only external objects worthy of such adulation and love are pencils and paint brushes. With them we write about the mistakes and glories of the past, document and structure the present and expresse hope and optimisim and plan for the future. Okay .. I'll include Keyboards too .. Light Sabres can wait in my opinion for their time to come. But the buzzing sound around them is fun..:)

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I stopped by a small plant nursery in Bandra and picked up plants. Two rose plants, a shurub of red Begonias and a potted Impatience with purple and red blooms, a cool green fern and a jade succulent.

As I stood in the crisp sunlight and bright greens - I asked the nursery owner about the diferent plants and how to care for them. Then after I picked out my plants - I asked him if they would flower all year round and if they were heathy .. and I wrote down tips to care for each different type. I came back home - carried them to their respective windows - based on how much sunlight they needed and who lived above that window (yeah ..some people still throw wrappers out of their windows ) and how big the pots were wrt to the windows.

I logged onto the internet and looked for caring instructions for each of those plants and made sure that everyone at home understood them. After I was done .. I sat on my bed ..with a cup of tea looking at the plants ...and to my surprise .. I felt very happy ..and immensely STUPID ..

I mean... They are plants.

I had almost interviewed them before buying them, ..like I wanted High performance oriented plants for crying out loud ..the guy at the nursery was subjected to case study like questions ..and I had come home and strategized for 15-20 minutes on location, position, angle, conditions, watering techniques and followed that up with google fed internet research that took me to sites like ...."The versatile Begonia puts its best leaf forward" ....

Yeah .. Moron ..is the only word that fits the bill. But hey..there is no judging here - my new year resolution was to not kill any plants this year .. so If I act like Sarah Connor from Terminator 2 ....hopefully my plant babies (John 1-8) will have a future....and yes ..incase you are wondering .. I am uptodate on Jagdish Chandra Bose's theories and I believe them ..I water my plants at the same time each day ..7.45 am and talk to them too....Mostly loving words. I do not plan on reading out my blog to them yet. They are babies right now. They cant handle dark and twisted.

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So all in all - unexpectedly so, it was a quiet weekend with lots of time to reflect and experience everyday magic and feel thankful for ordinary miracles ..of canine, feline, movie and plant proportions.

I am 30 year old and My city is Mumbai

Thank God I have enough.

Movie Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Rating: 6/5
Let me just say that if I was on the oscar jury this year - I'd have made an impassionate plea for this movie to win most of the awards.
A truly phenomenol path breaking though inspiring moving film with stellar performances, slick editing, brilliant cinematoraphy and prolific dialogue writing.
Light moments: Few, in all the right places.
Need a box of tissues: Yes.
Would I watch it again: Over and Over.
Overall:
This movie moved me beyond comparison. It may be one of the most influencing movies, I've had the good fortune to watch. Age is such a mind thing. Someones looks have nothing to do with how old they are mentally. They can be 16 but with a heart as heavy as a 90 year old ..or they can be 60 but can still summon the strength of an 18 year old to swim the French Chanel.
Its all a mindset.
I'm just going to quote some of the dialogues from the film instead of writing about it - because at this point, I feel that no amount of blog writing will be an adequate testament to the sheer philosophy and love for life expressed in the lines to follow. Every 10 minutes in the movie - I said WOW! ..here is why :

• "Some people, were born to sit by a river. Some get struck by lightning. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people, dance. "
• "You never know what's coming for you"
• "Everyone feels different about themselves one way or another, but we all goin' the same way. "
• "You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go. "
• "Benjamin, we're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us? "
• "Sometimes we're on a collision course, and we just don't know it. Whether it's by accident or by design, there's not a thing we can do about it. "
• "It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you. "
• I was thinking how nothing lasts, and what a shame that is.... Some things last.

Some moments in this film simply took my breath away. One was when Caroline and Ben are conflicted about their future and not sure about where they are headed and the wake up early in the morning to see the sun rise. Its a spectacular golden ball of fire above a seren blue ocean that as asleep as they were few minutes back. And after the sun rises - after the fraction of those few heaven on earth minutes of yellow and azure - Something in Carolines eyes changes and as she looks at Ben - he says " And it was then that she realized - Nothing is perfect ..Forever"

The other moment was when Ben and Caroline meet at first and eat dinner and head to the gardens where she dances and he walks away much to her aggravation. When he realizes the significance of what he's done ..he says "Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss. " ... and I cried for not the first time in the movie. It just hit too close to home.

And I have no words to describe the letter that Ben writes to Caroline's daughter. What a legacy.The kind of thought that leaves you weak in the knees and strong in your heart.

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. "

This movie is a must watch. Dont miss it.

Black and White

Its ironic that I read this news online.
On a daily jaunt to the NY times, I read that the Seattle Post Intelligencer had printed its last print paper today and would move to an online-only version. This comes close on the heels of the Rocky Mountain News in Colorado that closed after 150 years since its first print edition a few months ago.
Is this a sign of times to come.
An era of newspaper boys being chased by cute housebroken labs all over the world comes slowly to an end.
Its strange when I think about it. The 7 odd years I lived in the US - I did not subscribe to a single newspaper. I read all my news online. I read about the US, World news and India news - all at the click of a button.
Now - the first thing I do when I get up is scramble through the dark corridoor that leads to my apt door and open the main door to pick up not one but 5 newspapers in print and supplements
and then for 45 minutes everyday, they have my unwavering attention and love.
You know, my favorite part of reading newspapers in print is the fact that in India, we recycle the papers by selling them by the kg to a paperwallah. Then, todays hot news gets packed and moved and stored and sold elsewhere ..and months ..and in many a case years later ....shows back up in your hands .. as the wrapping for some streetside snack ..like bhel, or roasted peanuts while you are stuck in traffic ..or some flowers you bought for a pooja or as wrapping for some
other household items.
Its fascinating. To see the date and the news on such well travelled pieces of paper. Its a reality check like none other and always brings a smile to my face.
Digital footprints..I doubt for all their convinience and other benefits will give us these small simple pleasures. Like fighting over the one print paper....getting yelled at by my dad for not folding the paper correctly. Rolling the paper to kill a stray insect.
I think its wonderful to have digital news. Dont get me wrong. Its far reaching, limitless, can be saved and reproduced far easily and reliably. Not to mention, its also ecofriendly and doesnt invole cutting trees to make paper pulp or using chemical inks in print.
But I love the paper editions ....just for the spirit ..... the essence of a newspaper.
Should we call it "newspage" now ? ...its not paper isnt it ?
I dont know if this is the beginning of the end or just a sign of rough economic times.
But part of me was sad to hear about it.
And the fact that I chose to write about it online, only make my wry smile ....more wry.

Heroes

Last night as I lay in bed, I could not help but wonder why superhero's always played double roles.
Superman plays Clark Kent by the day.
Spiderman is Peter Parker.
Batman is Bruce Wayne.
And they all wear glasses as part of their disguises.
Why ?

The more I thought about this - the more confused I got.

The earliest superhero I know .. He-Man ..from He-man and the Masters of the Universe is also

Adam, prince of Eternia by the day.

Is this just one heck of a happy coincidence ? or is there more to this that meets my

non supersonic-laser vision eyes.

And the fun part is that the human characters they chose to play are weak, afraid and a total contrast to their super heroic self. Are they just trying to protect their identities or Is this how they see mankind? ....meek,..helpless ..Waiting ..for a super hero ?

Most of us are not waiting to be rescued. We can do the rescuing ourseleves.

What we are waiting for is someone Human ..who can understand our scars and pain afterwards..and also accept our flaws and shortcomings and our struggle to overcome them.

Do we really need a superhero to hug at the end of the day ?
Or will a friendly voice at the end of the phone do the trick ?

Movie Review: Little Zizou

Rating: 4.5/5
What a great movie to end the weekend with!
I only wish I’d watched it on Friday night instead of Sunday so that the warm fuzzy feelings after the movie would have lingered into Saturday and Sunday instead of having to compete with Monday Morning Blues.
I recommend it.
The papers have been saying this is a movie about the Parsis. It is very much so. But it is also a movie about everyday magic, the disappointments that form the cornerstone of our lives, the unexpected friends we make, unrequited love, enduring hope and lasting friendship. This is a movie about all our lives and how they collide with each other in our time.
Overall:
“And so it was one morning that the Russians marched into town” … thus begins Little Zizou’s story. Little Zizou is a young motherless boy who loves his brother, hates his father and worships soccer. He has two enduring questions...
Whether his mother saw him before she died…So that now that she is in heaven and is an angel …she is able to recognize him
When will Zenedine Zidane come to India?
His elder brother Arthaxerxes is an immensely talented high school dropout closet cartoonist – whose caricatures about his father and his feigned godliness and purity tirade and his secret blog denouncing the same make it hard for anyone to not love him. His love for a neighbor’s teenage daughter who uses him as a proxy so that she could meet her real boyfriend will resonate with worst in the best of us. Little Zizou's days revolve around skipping school and pretending to be sick so he can get affection from Boman’s wife and enjoy afternoons at a cyber café playing soccer on Xbox. While Arthaxerxes tinkers around in an old hospitals maternity ward turned into a makeshift lab trying to build a flight simulator with his nerdy friends.
But when their Father conceives of a Liberation Organization aimed at imbibing purity within the small loving Parsi community – the result shakes their world into turmoil. Thus begins a process of self discovery and self recovery that tugs at your heart strings.
Quotable Quotes: This movie is lovingly scattered with them and they appear in the most unexpected places guaranteeing a smile.
“Sometimes you’re the cockpit … and sometimes you are scrap metal”
“Its later than you think, enjoy life while you’re in the pink ...the years go by as quickly as you wink”
“I’ve never been anywhere”
Light moments: Lots
Need a box of tissues: Yes. Most Definitely.
Overall Theme:
Life isn’t perfect. It’s not meant to be like that. If it was, there would be nothing to look forward to. No journeys to be made and no lessons to be learned.
Love isn’t blind. But that doesn’t stop you from loving.
You are born alone and you die alone. But in between, you do find some people who make it a little less lonely. They are not always the family you are born with…but the family that you nurture and grow yourself.
If you look hard enough – there is magic everywhere and its never too hard to find a friend.
There is a big difference in being nice to someone because you feel bad for them versus because you love them. And you always know the difference and so do they.
Of everything that you can give to someone – Words, Promises, Hope, Faith .. give them love ..because Love endures.
Would I watch it again: Nope. Great one time watch !

The Diet Song

*Inspired by a comment on the daba girls website and due credit to Toni Braxton

EAT AGAIN
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If I never eat tiramisu again
If I never eat strawberry short cake again
If I never get a afternoon sugar high again
Will I never eat a cream doughnut again
Please understand if I lose weight
Then I promise you, I promise you
That, that I shall never eat again
eat again
eat again
That I shall never eat again
eat again

And I cant stop thinkin about
About a caramel coffee with cream
And I cant stop thinkin about
About papa johns pizza in my dreams
And I cant get fries outta my head
How in the world will I begin
To let all these pounds disappear
And be a size 6 again

And I cant stop caring about
About freshly made apple pie
And I cant stop doin without
Without Rocky Road I will die
And I cant get Twix outta my head
And I know I cant pretend
That I will lose weight if I decide
to never eat chocolate again

If I never eat a sizzling brownie again
If I never eat popcorn at the movies again
If I never hear I’m lovin it now and then
Will I never eat fried chicken once again
Please understand if I lose weight
Then I promise you, I promise you
That, that I shall never eat again
Eat again
Eat again
That I shall never
Eat again
Eat again

Light Saber

On a routine visit to my spam folder tonight , I saw a plethora of emails addressed to none other than me that made me wonder if really - this other person ..receiving the emails was anything quite like me ?!..Let me tell you - this other person's got quite the life ..and everyone in the universe seems to be writing to her.

I doubt she sits home alone on a Friday night watching a reality dance show updating her blog.

Here are the emails and invites that keep her busy ..

• Your drunk photos published !!
• One year written replica watches warraty ..Want to get your fake Rolex repaired with free shipping and handling..
• Make your photos stupid !
• We provide for you a real advantage to turn her on ..(????)
• Your happiness depends only on you. Be the owner of your life
• 2 pills a day and you will look like a top model
• Saw man spying on you
• Lets have dinner at a nearby cafe ?
• Best time to visit you ?
• CEO's withoyt mbas ... (umm.. That bus has passed ..this email is 2 years too late)
• We seek for internal company thief (Monsters.com for Hackers ?)
• Activate your powers for love
• Key for best loving (Giving or receiving ??)
• Make yourself more attractive to others
• Are you gonna drink with fellas ?
• Ready to become healthy
• Your door is open ..come now
• Gucci Bags
• You've received an answer to your question
• We will visit bar. Join us !
• Beautiful faces are of utmost interest. Clear yours (wow..real subtle huh!)
• Saw your dog on a street, Man
• Why one must read Ramayana
• Do you think old ? I know how to return you youth
• Shape any part of your body the way you want it
• Need to normalize your heightened blood pressure ?
• Buy a degree. The new way to earn a degree (Once again .. 10 years too late ..dammmit !)
• Lose your weight with the speed of a bullet
• Become a strong man ( umm... ..no comment )
• Dont be a fuddy duddy. Use the software everyone is using

This "other" person also has emails from pretty Russian, Asian and Latin girls who are bored sitting in internet cafes.

Not to mention three dozen emails in Chinese ..maybe she drinks green tea all the time and is a Kung Fu Specialist from the temple of Shaolin and owns designer Ninja outfits while dabbling in 6 different languages .,..(Chinese ..to read the emails , Russian and Spanish ..to speak with the internet girls ..and Marathi, Hindi, English and broken French..) ...yeah ..Lara Croft minus a few inches in height and plus a dozen kgs elsewhere.

Yeah. She has a rocking life.She carrys Gucci Bags and wears fake rolex watches. Has 8 different degrees ..who cares if she bought them. Fake Degree certificates that say "Made in Vietnam" on the back ..so if you frame them you're solid. Also a doctor, lawyer, Chiropractor, Marine Biologist, Horticulturist and the 3 boring degrees I already have ,..

She 's the CEO of her own life, is 2 pills away from becoming the next supermodel and even reads the Ramayan. Has men spying on her and has such an exciting life that she needs blood pressure medication. Damn Girl!

We're nothing like each other. But on a second closer look, I do have onle thing that she doesnt have .. apart from my Blog ..and that is I dont need help in making my photos look stupid.

I do that all by myself.

It was kind of vindictive of me to delete all her emails. But what can I do, I may not be the next bruce lee ..but the force is with me:)

Inflection Point

We are born, we grow up, we grow old and we die.

Well, its not that simple is it ?

Though time is linear, the journeys and experiences that impact us and change us often occur unnanounced and shape our lives in a completely non chronological order.

It is this intricacy ..that makes Growing up ..Painful.

It is also this - that keeps us eternally young and secretly optimistic.

Even at 30, there are parts of me that are still as emotionally mature as a six year old.

And even at 60, Hopefully..there will be parts of me that will still feel as excited as I did at 18.

Often, things happen in my life and days or months later, I realize what their significance was in the wheel of my time. And I look back and replay these moments, kind of like watching a movie where I star.I watch myself fall down, fall apart, put things together, move on, move ahead and become whole. Until I repeat the cycle.

However, sometimes I know for sure in my heart as I wait, at an exact moment that in a split second I will be making a precise choice that will change my life and how I will look at myself forever. A moment's hestitation worth its weight in gold. I can smell it. The loaded minute. Where I could do or say something that will either make me move one step ahead in a snakes and ladder game ..or slide three rungs below and then it would be years before I have a chance to fight that exact demon.

This weekend - I was at one such inflection point.

As I waited first for 10 minutes, then 15 and finally over 30. I knew what I had to do.

I had to speak up for myself or hold my thoughts forever. It would have been easy to smile and say I'd get over it and forget about it. But suddenly, it wasnt just about this situation. It was about every other similiar situation, where I'd not been able to muster the courage to say what I wanted to say, when I wanted to say it. It was waking up ever single morning and looking at myself in the mirror and making a decision that would go chin up or eyes down.

Suddenly, I didnt want to be the guy on the cover page of Atlas Shrugged.

I had a minute and I had a choice.

And I chose to stand up for myself.

Like they said " If you dont stand for something, you will fall for anything"

I do and I won't.

Not again. Not ever.

The Quest

My current favorite song is called "The Quest" by Bryan Christopher.
I just cant get it out of my system.
I run to it - everyday on the treadmill... It really gets me..deep inside my mind.
The thing about this song - is that it closely mirrors the thoughts I have about life at the moment.
When I was younger, in high school, I was so goal oriented - it was shocking. Years would go by and would be defined by "Get good marks in an exam" "Get into a science college" "Get admission in the best classes" "Also be good in extra curriculars" .."Get a teaching assistantship"
Shakespeare would have been aghast if he'd seen me at how flat my life was.
Completely unlike any of his characters who may show equal amounts of drama,angst and confusion but lead much rounded spherical lives.
Remnants of this hard wired attitude still manifest themselves in my ways of thinking and doing. "Get a good score on the Gmat" "Get admission into a top B school" and so on.
The apple hasnt fallen too far from the tree.
(Newton would contend that just the fact that the apple fell in the first place is reason enough to celebrate - but oh well..)
But on nights like today, I sit and look back at my life and wonder.
Education, Job, Money, Health .. all these are not things that I live for.
These are things that I need to make a living.
I live to write ....for Art ..for soul shattering world moving passion ...for the achy feeling my muscles get after a long fruitful day at work...for experiencing the beauty of the world....for the rains ..for laughter...for being there for those I care about..for watching my nephews smile ..for the giddy excitement of new love ....the quiet comfort of old love ....for the ease of well worn friendships ..
I've never really planned any of these things.

They've just happened. Not a single goal related to any of them.
Which really makes me shake my head and sigh when I hear this song.
What is my quest ?
What am I going to live for ?
What am I going to die for ?
Who will I fight for ?
and why I cant answer that ...?

Half Moon

A half moon on a full night
My dreams are the tears in my eyes
I look around in the pale moonlight
For answers behind the clouds in the skies

The crickets gossip and mock my guile
and invite me to dance with the breeze
But I stand still under the north star
againts the party of a hundred leaves

The flowers are asleep, the birds lie low
and I am alone in my pain
Until I hear a voice of silver
and then it starts to rain

I tell myself that the darkness will pass
and my day will soon be yellow
But waiting for the hungry tide to turn
can make a heart so mellow

To be or not to be

Forgive and Forget.

I hear this all the time. This particular adage is used like seasoning salt.

In matters of the heart, its definately not as easy as it sounds.

Yeah, no kidding.

But that makes me wonder why these two always go together to a party ?

Never solo.Always a merry couple.

My theory is as follows. If you do one .. and you do it well ...you dont need to bother about the other.

Lets see, suppose I am hurt by someones actions. And it really brings me down.

The enormous weight of pain - has to be dropped for sure.

No can do a five minute mile with emotional baggage.

So I decide - that I must Forgive. And if I genuinely do forgive - with all my heart. Why should I have to forget ? It should simply not matter at all ..whether I remember or I do not ..who cares .. ?

Else - I decide that I must Forget. Now if I'm hell bent on forgetting that the incident ever happened - then forgiveness doesnt enter the equation ! .. because since I dont even remember what happened in the first place .. I do not feel any pain or anger or hurt.

Sometimes its easier to forgive. Very hard to forget.
When the reverse happens - even your guardian angel knows you're screwed ..for a while at least.

Now to do both at the same time ? ..wow .. a truly spectacular fantasmic emotional-colada.

Personally, when I try to do both I have mixed results.

Like I forgive an incident and I also try to forget it. ....but then I worry about losing the lesson and then I want the other party to remember that I forgave....

Maddness.

In my experience - Its just impossible for me to do both at the same time and do justice to them both.
Its as easy as playing the guitar and drums together and keeping a smiling face.
So I just pick one and do it as well as I can. Whichever is the easier at the time.
After I learn to master one of them .. then maybe I take a shot at the other if I am not too tired.

Incremental Goal setting for the faint hearted.

Theres no judging here. No excuses. No textbook moves.

Just a brute force approach to saving my own skin.

Its like being in a really crowded party, the first step is to find my spot and stick to it.

And then maybe - when the music is right, I can shimmy a little.

All in good time.

Nine Lives

When I talk about a love thats lasted a lifetime, love at first sight (bite and sound in my particular case)... Two things come to mind.

Tiramisu and Aerosmith.

The former, I am grudgingly learning to live without. Absence makes the heart grown fonder.

The latter, rescued me from another sleepless night yesterday.

I first heard Aerosmith when I was 17 years old. On a CD borrowed from my friend.

I saved money from my monthly allowance to buy my first Aerosmith cassette. Big Ones.

I've heard them on my boombox, on my walkman .. then when I was in the US - I bought a CD on my TA allowance that I could play on the computer and on my new discman.

It was the first cd I loaded on my ipod. I've heard them in Florida, in Georgia, In Delhi, in Hyderabad, in Mumbai, on flights, on drives and on ships.

Yeah, one could say that I love Aerosmith. Its comfort music.

I did get to see them in concert in the summer of 2004.

I often think of my life in terms of different Aerosmith songs.
When I am old and famous and on Koffee with Karan, Karan will lean towards me and say

• What do you think about Love ? And I will say "Falling in Love (is hard on the knees)"
• What do you feel about Life ? And I will look into the camera and say "I dont want to miss a thing"
• Tell me something about your life ?

And here is what I will say :

"There was a time, when I was so brokenhearted...Love wasnt much of a friend of mine. The tables have turned, me and them ways have parted..that kind of love was the killing kind.

Tell me what you think about the situation..complication, aggravation is getting to you.

What can I do .. I feel like the colour ..blue.

Then I met a blind man..who taught me how to see. A blind man..who could change night into day.

He said I know you ..you know me ..one thing I can tell you is you've got to be free. Come Together - Right now. Over me.

Then the lightening and the thunder, knew that someone had to stop the rain. Run away, run away from the pain.

Its Amazing - with the blink of an eye, you finally see the light. Its Amazing - when the moment arives, you'll know you'll be allright.

Working like a dog for the boss man. Working for the company. I'm betting on the dice I'm tossing ..I'm going to have a fantasy.

Tell me who's to blame for thinking twice ..cause I dont want to burn in paradise.

Like Deja vu I feel like I've been here.

Don't make no sense lighting candles .. theres too much moonlight in our eyes.

Sweeet Emootion.

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender. I could stay lost in this moment ..Forever.

Yes its true ..lonlieness took me for a ride.

Never Judge a book by its cover. Or who you're gonna love by your lover.

Pink - when I turn on the light. Pink - its like red but not quite. And I think everything is going to be alright - No matter what we do tonight.

Now you've got all the answers look and behold..you've got the right key yeah ..but the wrong keyhole.

I'm afraid of the candle but I live for the flame.

Half of my life is in books written pages. Lived and learned from fools and from sages. You know its true..all the things come back to you.

So Take one bite now ..spit out the rest."

Thank you Steven Tyler. Your music has been more meaningful to me that I could have ever asked for. And yes, when Karan gives me the gift hamper, I will share it with you.

Please dont stop the music.