Loca Luna

Moonlight is mixed with magic.

Of that I am certain.

Its one of those life changing things that happened to me outside of Bombay.

I was walking down 13th street in Gaineville and had just passed the tennis courts. It was a very warm Florida night. The kind that would melt anyone. And I saw the pink neon sign that Arby's has and a translucent full moon floating above it. I knew then more than ever before that Life was about small minuscule moments like that when everything seemed possible.

One of the most lasting images I have of my life in the U.S is driving from Atlanta to Nashville on a cold February Friday evening and driving uphill to see the golden arches of a McDonald's in the distance and an equally yellow moon kissing them. And slowing down automatically to enjoy the sight.

In Atlanta - my favorite place to eat is Doc Che's near Emory Village. And if you are lucky and the time is right - you can walk out of Doc's, have the wind ruffle your hair just enough to warrant going to the Starbucks right across to soothe that restless spirit and look up to see a moon so silent that it fills the narrow street with his charm.

Or from my room in Stonewall -when I woke up with a start the first night I moved in to find my room lit up in streaks of silver and white. What a wow moment.

Luckily enough for me -I didn't have to leave the moon behind when I decided to leave everything else that made so much sense.

Now on the ISB campus - I wait. To leave dinner and walk on the paved way between the academic center and home and just as I turn a right and see the SV1 tower - I can see the moon smiling back on nights when the world is with me. Its the best thing on the ISB campus. No matter how brutal the day or how long the night. Always makes it a little easier on me.

I wonder what it is that binds me to it.

I think as humans we all long for certainty- for the familiar and I think thats what the moon is for me. A witness that I created. Maybe its symptomatic of one too many nights spent walking alone trying to find my way in the dark with just wisps of silver to show me the way.

A partner in solitude, laughter and angst. One that does not sleep, or change places. That is with me - even when the clouds mask his presence and the astrologers issue warnings.

That turns the tides of the world that I am learning to love and live in.

A faithful friend. That goes with me - to the darkest corners and back.

And here on the ISB campus - lulls me and comforts me and destresses me at a time when it seems like the skies must be crazy.

Loca Luna.

A Good Year

Its funny how we measure things sometimes.

Three weeks into 2008, I am stressed, anxious and a complete wreck.

So here I am - on a quasi cold Jaunuary night, sitting in bed looking out of the window and the trees across the lawn and beyond the shadows at the pale moon that calls out my name and distracts me from updating my blog. Its a quiet night. Except the beating of my heart and the smell of coffee right next to me.

This could have been a night in Atlanta. Or Florida.

Only the year would be different.

Maybe I'm just a prisoner of my own habits.

So I like to sit cross legged on my bed and look at the trees and write these posts.

I have made an art out of smelling warm coffee as it brews.

Almost anything inspires me these days.

Maybe it means that I have a boring life.

What does it mean when- nights like these constitute 90% of my year and I actually remember what post I wrote on which night and which poem in which month was written to rhyme with the raindrops that serenaded me while I thought of it.

Maybe it means that even though I may not believe it and even though it may not seem this way and even though I may feel like I'm alone and waiting for someone or something I dont know of - maybe love, maybe a friend, maybe success or maybe a new dream -

I am infact exactly where the skies planted me to be doing exactly what the hand of destiny willed me to do and having a very good year and a very special blessed life.

Thank God I have enough.

Coldplay

Nobody climbs mountains for scientific reasons. Science is used to raise money for the expeditions, but you really climb for the hell of it.

There is precious little in civilization to appeal to a Yeti.

Sir Edmund Hilary
July 1919-January 2008

Leo may have inspired many people when he stood at the mast of the Titanic and proclaimed that he was the king of the world.
The truth is that there was just one king of the world. For some so to speak.
And last week he passed away.

One mountain. Two men. The legend of a lifetime. The year was 1953.

It was in 1996 many years later that I read about that fateful expedition. A week before I set out to conquer my own mountain - Pindari Glacier at a sacred 14,000 ft.
About half the height that Hilary and Tenzing had reached. On that fated trek, it kept coming back to me in slow motion. Both of them had to wait it out in the snow for two days miles away from the summit. In that sense - it is the mountain that chooses you. Its ways are sacred and no matter what, it has to be the one to decide.
Its funny how there are no pictures of Hilary atop Mount Everest. Its because Tenzing did not know how to use a camera and it never occured to Hilary that he should be taught on top of the world.
And now - we know how to operate every kind of gadget but we just dont know how to be heros.
15 expeditions had failed. Several had died. And in the years to follow - the same peak would be scaled by hundreds of enthusiastic others.
But was made their journey so special was the sheer reverence of it all. The planning, the waiting and the joy. Yet Hilary says that when he stood on top of Mount Everest - what he saw was a few other routes that he could have taken while climbing it and that he knew that he was thirsty for more adventure. Not for the sake of what he would ultimately find - but just for the joy of searching. He says that he felt the most excited only after he descended because that was on his mind as well.

What most of know starts and ends here.
But the truth is that Sir Edmund Hilary and Tenzing would dedicate their lives building schools and adopting villages in Nepal. And would time and again claim their place in the books of destiny.

The interesting thing is that the world for all practical purposes did not alter drastically the day Mount Everest was conquered. No miracle cure for death, no astounding invention for life - just a quiet lingering residual triumph for the human spirit that made two men from seemingly small countries put their footprints on the map of the world.
Something that would inspire the rest of us for years to come while we fought our own battles.
For in the end - in the words of Sir Edmund Hilary himself "It is not the mountain that we conquer - the most we can do is conquer ourselves"
R.I.P

Life

Life

Life is a like a game of chess
some are kings and some are pawns
Yet who knows what the day might bring
For the board is clear at the crack of dawn

yet we ponder over moves galore
and keep track of the irreverent score
Sometimes black and sometimes white
Life does seem like a fist fight

We're all bound by the same old rules
Yet some are crowned bigger fools
Loud applause greets those eager to prove
Yet Life is played in small quiet moves

So king and queen, pawn and all
One by one they all must fall
For the fates are drawn by a roll of dice
and in the end the board must surmise

All the mistakes waiting to be made
By the eager lot reason cant dissuade
But in the end piece and player
Must come together in willing prayer

For the love of the game is larger than the win
and in the same box all the pieces go in
And yet unknown to but a willing few
Life like chess is a game for two

Right now

Location: A-24 Student Village 1 - Indian School of Buisness
Date: 19 January 2008
Time: Half past midnight


Whats on the kpod: O meri Jaan - Metro O.S.T
Whats on my mind: all the little conversations that are left incomplete during the day - while I jump in and out of calls and mindsets
What I am craving for: Rocky Road icecream
What I am sipping instead: Some nice chai
What am I reading : Industrial segmentation - HBR
What I wish I was reading: Cosmopolitan maybe ? ..something that rapidly diminishes my thinking - because gosh I seem to be doing a lot of it these days
Who do I miss : My best friend
Where I would rather be: 2119 H Powers Ferry Road Atlanta GA 300067
What I am wishing for : Rain
What will I remember the most about today: I never knew I had a personal mailbox on campus - I went to it today and found a postcard that Mirjana sent me from her Delhi stint 8 months ago - Wow ! ..Thanks Mir ! You saved my day in the nick of time babes !

One day at a time.
Tomorrow.
Kal.
...is here already...

Sound of Muisc

Perspective.
It is a rare thing to have these days.
Especially ...if deep inside you .. you have a poet waiting for a rhyme.. a writer waiting for a plot ..an artist waiting for some angst ..and me.
Everyone who thought that Long Island Ice Tea's were spiked.....
Welcome to the real world. My world.
These days .. its getting hard for me to breathe.

I tell myself again and again that things will work out. That I've been at this same place over and over in my life. That I shouldnt question everything I did. That no matter what I feel now ..when I was 16, things were different and my choices had a 50:50 chance of bringing me here. That even if I was somewhere else - it would probably be as easy or as difficult depending on which angle I looked from.
That in the grand scheme of things - I've always been a happy soul.

But I still question everything. Everyday.
I've gone back as far as my 14th birthday and as forward as my 60th.
How many times can one person go over every single decision in a 30 year old life with scrutiny?
I gave up counting a while ago.

These days - nothing that anyone will do surprise me.
These are strange and difficult times.
Maybe the best of times. Maybe the worst of times. Time as usual will tell.
Meanwhile - Life may not always be fair and kind - but I hope that we find it in ourselves to be fair and kind to each other.
Amen