Plane Jane

Yesterday I had an out of body experience.
As rains soaked the parched streets of Bombay silly - I waited at the airport at the mercy of air traffic control
and the weather gods.
Minutes turned to Hours - I kept working..then a sudden flash of lightening and my laptop ran out of power.
I turned to my ipod. My faithful companion. After a bit - there was a roar of thunder, and my ipod ran out of battrey life as well.
So I was forced to resort to the only other form of occupation I had, after I made unsuccessful trips to the newsstand and cafeteria. My mind. Which unfortunately - is powered 24/7
Now began the hard part.
Sterile surroundings, insane noise quotients, grey skies, harsh rain, the weary minute and my mind.
Talk about torture.
So I decided. When I boarded that plane .. I would leave my worries behind. Only for 2 hours. But for 2 hours - I would not think about anything other than happy things.
I would focus very very hard ..on make a sincere attempt at not feeling sorry for myself and shut my eyes and imagine that I was someone else - somewhere else.
No one knew me on the plane.
Looking at me no one would know what loop holes my mind was jumping through, makeup concealed my worry lines very well. I would be the Queen of England on this flight for all I cared..because for those 2 hours .. I would not give a damm.
And it seemed to work.
Because if I had taken all my mental issues with me on this flight .. the plane would have sunk under their weight and never taken off. The very fact that it was air borne in less than 10 mins after boarding meant that my strategy was working.
It was a little strange. Here I was trying so hard to just be .. and looking out of my window ..a hundred clouds ..each with a silver lining. Heck, I could be on cloud nine for all I cared.
Honorary member of the Smile High club. Ha!
When the air hostess poured my coffee - the cup was half full. I was in Zen Land.
2 hours passed pretty quickly.
And then I was woken up from my reverie ..and had to plant my two feet on the ground and walk out
into the dark night.
These days - it is hard to be me. No question about it.
But I refuse to give up.
Lightening is going to have to freaking come and strike me before I do.
And that is not going to happen.
Not today anyways.

Stories

A curious aspect of life, that I have learnt to appreciate belatedly so over the past few years is the immense number of stories my life is a part of.
If you live in as many worlds as I do, on any given day, I'm in a new page, in a new chapter in many different curiously intertwined stories
It humbles me and excites me at any given point in time.
I often imagine - if there was a book to be written for every single storyine in my life, through parallel in time and behavior - because ofcourse there is emotional spillover between the different books, how would this pan out ?
What would it say ?
"This is the story of three spirited women who became friends on a Trans-Atlantic flight from Bombay to Atlanta and the decades of friendship that followed"
"This is the story of a brother and a sister, who did not stay in the same city for most of their lives but could read each others minds"
"Once upon a time, in a land faraway...an hopeful 22 year old waited for a phonecall that would shatter her world"
"She was the new girl in class and I did not have many friends. Our friendship so to say, was fated from the start"
"When she drove to work, on her first day in Atlanta, little did she know that her best friend was working ..in a dreary cube somewhere on floor 7 in the building. How would she know - It would be another 2 years before they even met.."
"Her dream was to become a writer. But somethings dont happen - just like spring buds dont bloom in winter"
"Murphy would have been proud. Imagine a life of 30 years dedicated to him"
" Hers was a tale of many cities..."
"Her Karma counter was always ticking"
"She weilded a keyboard as though it was a sword..."
..
many stories
many missed chances
some seized opportunities
many dreams
many more tears
many heartaches
wonderful places
beautiful people
drama
love
friendship
passion
drive
energy
laughter
problems
travels
food
fear
trials
victories
failures
fabulous
and wonderful

One world.
One life.
I think that if Life is a highway .. then this place .. right now . this very moment ..
is like the Spaghetti junction in Atlanta...
Busy..confused..necessary..amazing that it even stays together in one place instead of falling apart at the seams..
but somehow ..despite or rather inspite of the weight of the many stories and sagas .. it does.
Praise the lord :)

Fallen Stars

The thinker in me continues to find meaning..
The philosopher in me says that its a futile excercise - the minute I find my answer - my questions will change..
The artist in me says she can find colors to match every emotion
The writer in me says there will be prose in perfection ..and in pain..
The child in me wants to be rescued
The survivor in me wants to finish the fight
The disciple in me seeks a divine intervention
The spiritual in me says all this is an illusion anyways
The pragmatist in me wants to find a solution
The practical in me says finding the solution will be easy ..implementing it will be tougher ..
The traveller in me wants to keep walking
The human in me needs some rest
Where do we go from here ?
And what will we find when we get there ?

Evidence

I learnt several new things this week.
I don't need multiple fractures to feel broken.
And I dont need tears to cry.
And I definately dont need to go on a journey to feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere.
I learnt how I can be awake with worry while fast asleep.
And I learnt how light my crazy workload would feel compared to my heavy heart.
I learnt to accept that the past was a place that I could only remember - never go revisit.
And I learnt that once again in my life, It was me against the world and it didnt feel terrible, just nostalgic.
But most of all - I learnt that a army of one is enough.
and that I dont need extraordinary evidence to be thankful for my life.
Beacause even at the end of weeks like this one - where my life is reduced
to rubbles and I have a hard time just breathing - I still am.
And most of all I learnt that there is no Rock Bottom.
I'm just going to have to get used to free falling.

Tonight, I am the oldest 30 year old in the world.
And my city - is Mumbai.

Life

Life - Take it .. or live without it.
Life - Is the real thing .. even better than the real thing.
Life - Thanda Thanda Cool Cool (Coke)
Life - Just Do it ! (Nike)
Life - Get with the program
Life - Get busy living .. or get busy dying
Life - Right here .. Right now
Life - Push through the pain (Tylenol)
Life - Because I'm worth it (L'Oreal)
Life - Its everywhere you want it to be (Visa)
Life - Impossible is nothing (Adidas)
Life - Grace Space Pace (Jaguar)
Life - Bas Do minute (Maggi)
Life - Jai Ho ! (AR)
Life - Yeh Dil Mange More ! (Pepsi)
Life - Never say Never
Life - Ho to Big Ho ! (Bigtv)
Life - is short - stay awake for it (Caribou Coffee)
Life - Strength and Honor (Gladiator)
Life - Finish the fight (Halo)
Life - Intel inside (Intel)
Life - Jiyo Sar Uthake (Coke)
Life - What will you remember about today ?
Life - Breathe in Breathe out
Life - Ice cold Sunshine (Coke)
Life - Can you handle it ?
Life - Dont look away. Dont walk away. Its only Life (Kate Voegel)
Life - Chin up! Young Person!
Life - If you've got the time then I've got the beer (Miller)

I have a slogan for every week.
Thanks to all those burning the midnight oil at ad agencies all world over and products ranging from Coke to Nike to Caribou Coffee and yes ..some of my own creations ....- I have more than a spoonful of inspiration on any given day !
I think thats why I like watching ads on TV. Maybe I'm just a mush hearted fool who finds hope in everything .. but hey .. there are no rules here ..and definately no method to the madness.
My slogan - reengineered and stolen from these commercials - is what gets me through the day...
It usually evolves by mid week and repeating it is what makes the rest of the week bearable or even enjoyable. Here are my slogans for my life.
What are yours ?

Moments

A chance encounter at the coffee station becomes your best friend.
A new girl in class ends up as your conscience.
A casual dinner with a stranger ends up breaking your heart into tiny pieces.
A classmate in the most boring database class becomes your sounding board, friend and guide.
A freak job application becomes the only good thing in your professional life.
A holiday blockbuster motivates you to shed 6 kgs.
A phonecall ends up changing your life.
A stranger you meet on a trans atlantic flight becomes your roomate and friendship of 9 years.
A TV show is the only thing you look forward to during some months of your life.
A random book from a thrift store becomes your mantra in the tough times for a decade to follow.
A friend you made on the last day in school ends up becoming someone you call the most a year after.


When something starts .. you never know how its going to end.
And even when it ends - or stablizes - how do we know that its in the right place for it ? That it wont move to another place in our mind and in our lives craving for some other better state of equilibrium.
Lenon once said said that "Life is what happens to us when we are busy making other plans".
And so we have to just live it out...knowing deep in our hearts that the most decisive, conclusive things in our life are borne out of actions and decisions that were totally miniscule at the time with no consequences at all.
Like a smile, or a phonecall or a look or a bus ride.

So I ask you this ?
How can we be anything but optimistic ?
Knowing That a small action that we are going to undertake in the next 24 hours unwittingly is going to be a well of happiness and support and laughter for us in many many years to come. Or be the one good lesson we learned in our life.
That it will shape our lives, and its story and its time.
That even days when nothing seemingly significant happens, may eventually be the ones that we are the most thankful for. Days that become the bricks in the foundation of our times ? ..Eventually.
How can we be anything but hopeful ?
How can we be anything but hopeful NOW ?

Pannas Paise

I have faith in Britney Spears.
No matter what the newspapers publish about her - I have faith in her.
Maybe I'm just a sucker - without a grip on reality.
But I believe in you Britney Baby!
I think she will be able to turn her life around - slowly and stick her tongue out at everyone who lashed
at her.
I like stealing pens and shampoo bottles from hotels that I live in.
I keep the pens until they die out and the shampoo until it ends and it makes
me feel like a million bucks to use them and recollect the happy memories.
Its stupid - but it makes every vacation last longer - atleast in my mind.
I am trying to break a habit that is proving to be hard as hell.
I dont untie my shoe laces before I get out of my sneakers.
I've been trying to untie them - past few weeks ..and its maddeningly difficult.
I cannot eat Italian food with just anybody.
There is something incredibly personal about saying Tiramisu to someone I dont know.
Gnocchi and Rissotto only taste as only half as enjoyable as the people that surround them.
Which means - for anything italian to sweep me off my feet, I ought to have enjoyed the company twice as much!
And I love it when that happens - like this past monday night.
I have a thing for compasses.
I would love to have the exact sense of direction they do.
I would love to find my true north.
I would love to have Captain Jack Sparrow's compass.
The only problem with that - is that the compass only points to what you truly love/want/seek.
It does not ensure you will get it. And I dont think that is going to fix my problems.
I am an optimist.
No matter what happens.
I know things will get better.
And when they dont - I've learnt to just get on with the program.
I grade my life on a curve ..and maybe I'm a loser for it ..
but it helps me sleep better at night. And thats something. Maybe not everything - but something.
Any given point it time - I can think of atleast one thing that makes me smile.
I dont have many answers.
And I am looking forward to meeting people and having experiences that will change my life madly.
One days like today - I may say vague things - but I have a clear head and its great to be young and feel young and feel like my life has just begun.
And I can hardly wait for the phone to ring, or a mail to arrive or the day to end or this moment to pass.
Its a Gift.
And its my Present and I can only promise to cherish it and celebrate it and be thankful for it.
Amen.

Bye Bye Miss American Pie

Bye Bye Miss American Pie

One of my favorite aspects of the automobile industry – just for personal interest has been the compelling ads that they churn out.
And so as I start writing today, on June 1 2009 as General Motors files for a chapter 11 – I can’t help but remember a Pontiac print ad from years ago – that showed a sparkling Pontiac silver car – with a tiger on its bonnet and a caption below saying “There’s one under the hood” ..and as the sun sets on this historic day … I am saddened that it’s roar has now become a whisper.

Its not a happy day this side of the world.
I’ve been reading a lot of analysts and articles on the GM filing and some of the statements I’ve come across have definitely contributed to the somber mood.

“The auto industry is fine. It is just not in Detroit anymore”
“This is not about getting out of business. This is about getting down to business”

But as we dissect aplenty the many many mistakes that decision makers in GM made, I can’t help but give a shout out to this legendary company that is 101 years old.

When General Motors was formed in 1908, much of what we now refer to as history had not even happened. The world wars had yet to be fought, man had not walked on the moon and many parts of the world were still under the shadow of the East India company.
That’s how old and iconic this mammoth of a company is.
One could say that while I was in B school – every single marketing strategy discussed could have a strong GM case to prove its success or failure.
From its strategy of straddling 5 different brands to cater to “a car for every price and purpose” (much like Kellog cereal these days)– to forming the GMAC to finance its cars thereby building an eco-system – to the many brands spreading its marketing costs too thin – to cannibalizing inter brand sales.

This is a company that had 54 percent of the car market share in the US at one time. And let it be noted that at that time – there was a huge hue and cry that this company should be government regulated lest it create a monopoly.

This is one of the car companies – that even created a market for cars. When that market did not exist. They built it – from the vendors to the dealers to the roads even …Through lobbying and hand holding and arm twisting at times I am sure.

This is the one car company, which retooled its lines during the world wars to supply tanks and armed vehicles. World wars that – started in Europe, shook the whole world and – took American soldiers and American blood to end.

Its easy to say that they should have changed over the years.
But when you think about it – so hard to accomplish.
While contracts with UAW depleted margins and made GM less competitive than its Japanese counterparts, their failure to invest in new technology on account of lack of funds or vision exacerbated their growing problems. Late entry into emerging markets certainly did not provide as much respite as it could have – while overdependence on SUV’S as cash cows basically established a strong correlation between gas prices and their profitability. Their fate was sealed so to say.

Oh, there were plenty of things that the company could have done differently. Hindsight is always 20-20 and reading glasses does not need. But if we examine the fine print – there are other players in this reinforcing cycle too. Numerous governing bodies that succumbed to automotive lobbying and did not raise emission standards, consumers who constantly fought against rising oil prices – and refused to cut back on their over dependence on cars and ended up shaping the SUV car market until gas prices soared– we could go on for a while.

But today, as we mourn the demise of one of the legacy companies in the world, many say that this has been the economic crisis that even Lehman, Citibank and others have not survived. But personally, I am especially saddened for GM.

Because the truth is that at the end of the day, making a car is not like making software or trading derivatives.
It is a costly, complex and highly specialized business. And let us not for a second forget how hard it is to build and move metal on wheels. It is technically as well as financially exhaustive – and has a fragile eco system with human intervention and innovation at every level from manufacturing to the union workers to the dealers to the financiers.

In my mind, today – regardless of which company you work for, and regardless of what industry you consider your core competence – we are all really in only one business – The OIL business.
Every industry is tied to the oil business directly or via a set of proxy chains. And let us not forget who controls the oil business. We should be measurably afraid. Especially so today.

I’ve never owned an American car.
But then again – I’ve never dreamt of driving a Toyota Corolla with the wind in my hair either.
That fantastic vision – of driving on an open road, fields of yellow flowers on both sides, turquoise sky above, scarf around my head slipping away and hair flying madly – held in place by huge precarious sunglasses will always be in a Chevy convertible from the 60’s.
It will be a while before I conjure up that much romance inside or outside of a hybrid – American or Japanese.
So as GM files today, and bows down at the altar of change, I am mellow and I am humbled like never before and I cannot help but hope that their restructuring and change is only as efficient as the markets that brought us here today.