These days..

Life can be pretty darn tough sometimes.
Everyday I walk into the unknown- with some set notions about what I know - rather what I think I know.
Every moment is a test about what I infact do not know and how much I have to learn before the day gets over.
And the day - it just never gets over !
As the thin line between knowing and not knowing dwindles into a big grey mess - here is what I do know -



- when I walk home at 2 am tired and wiped out - I feel surprisingly happy and complete
- The nervous silence in the mess before an exam makes me feel inspired
- Two heads are better than one .. and one is better than none
- When someone smiles at me randomly in the middle of the class - I feel like I am in the right place
- When I am studying in the LRC at 1 am and look up frustrated and feeling completely stupid - I see someone that mirrors my own feelings in that one precise moment - I feel understood and vindicated
- When I run each night - I wonder if I am running away from something or am I running towards something
- When I am having a brutal day - it always rains
-I love getting soaked in the rain, its detox from the heavens and raindrops taste better than tears.
-2007 is proving to be a double o seven year - Life is being shaken ..not stirred ..and unlike Daniel Craig .. I do give a damn..

Everyday is a Marathon

8-9 : I am a sinkhole - everything that's said ..goes right through me
9-2 : I am a wallflower in the library.. functional and drab
2-7: I am a heavy duty sponge absorbing everything
7-8: I am the worlds fastest sprinter
9-2 : I am a problem solver
past 2 am - I am a philosopher and a writer

Things have been extremely tough since i got here - bu I have never loved my life more and i have never felt more tired, wiped out or excessively happy. Sometimes when I am so washed out sitting in my room late at night ..the moon comes right upto my window and even through the haze of the day and the aching muscles I have to wonder if there is a law against feeling so happy and relieved just to have the day over and a few hours of shut eye.

These days ...I win some - I lose some more ..but in the end .. like Shantaram said .. " Heart is King" and where there is struggle ..there is also hope.
Somehow ..every dinner conversation becomes a memory ..every exam prep an epic ..every walk a dance and every look a love affair ..every free minute a lifetime and every day - a lesson , an inspiration and a friend.

I'm Kaumudi Bhide
I'm 28 years old ..and my City is Hyderabad.