Shaken ..Not Stirred.

When I was 22 ,I boarded a Delta Flight on a wet rainy charcoal grey night in Bombay .You know how when something of excruciating importance is happening in your life - you remember the smallest and most irrelevant details ..What I remember is that I had a copy of "Illusions" -Richard Bach to read on flight , that I was wearing a grey benneton sweatshirt that's seen me through so many rough phases , its almost a miracle its survived along with me ..That I was wearing a pair of grey and black checked drawstring pants borrowed from ushie that I never returned ..I had a cassette of "kaho na pyar hai " that ushie had given me last minute at the airport , I drank coffee at a particular shop at Frankfurt airport that I always make a point to go to when I fly through ...I wrote a letter to myself on the flight and that at one point I wondered if I was making the biggest mistake of my life .

I imagine that almost at the same time breakfast was being served mid air ..Between London and Frankfurt ..When the windmills of the gods were blowing that day and the die was being cast to decide the fate of my early years in America - The divine forces simply said "Shaken ..Not stirred"..And so they shook my world till it got rid of all the deadweight , baggage and unnecessary conditions , expectations , hopes and demands .

The years flew and before I knew I resisted , enjoyed and then welcomed life in the U.S
From waiting alone for hours to get my car towed , to the adrenalin rush while running on the banks of the Chattahoochee , to foggy nights like this I spend writing on this blog , to days I'm soo sick that I am hoping that a cup of tea will just make itself , to forgotten birthdays , friends , festivals and dreams ...from knowing the many sacrifices that made this experience possible to The empty hearted void that fills my world on phonecalls- to the wild beating of my heart as I look outside my office on full moon nights like knowing that there is a purpose to the passion and the pangs...to years when I wonder if I will never fall in love , to weeks when love seems like its just around the corner ..to days when whats around the corners is another crazy day with long drawn battles , to battles that are lost even before they are fought and others that are won simply by being still. A conundrum of sorts with multiple answers.

A country where I made my mistakes ,saw my life impacted by those others made ..a place where I was loveless,jobless,hopeless to a place where I was at peace ,quietly determined and madly in love with life .

There are people who make their home over here and then there are others who come here all the way to find out that their home is a place they left behind .

The truth is that I 've traveled many many miles - some not even physical to know that home is a place I carry in my heart .It holds the tears I've cried ,the smiles I've shared ,the prayers I've held on to , the dreams that have held on to me ,the lessons that have been hard to learn and the love and people that have endured .A place that is familiar .And until that familiar place is pumping systolic samba beats - I guess no matter where Life take me ...I will always be Home.