The Second Calling

In the fall of 2003 -I suffered from a controversial , little known medical condition called E.M.C ..aka..Early Morning Cynicsm .. This article was a direct side effect of the same . Though I've recoverd and developed a mysterious immunity for it in recent years - This is a reminder of that grey fall when writing this brought much laughter to my bleak world back then .

This one is for all my girlfriends . Flower Power to You -Kau

The Second calling .

Generation X . Cell Phones,PDA'S,GAP,Flavored Coffee,Flared Jeans and Blue Nailpaint .So here we are ... Street Smart Beautiful Creative Enthusiastic Lovable Surviours ....
Wait a sec .....that last one's kinda implying..

Cynical ? Jaded ? Lonely ? traces of self doubt?

Quite ....but not quite .

There was a time ..a decade ago when life was simple ..dreams were simple and there was a clear demarked line between success and failure .

Aahh ..the classic teenage fantasy ...If I remember my interpretation of life at 16 ...well ...I'll have graduated by 21 ...then after my masters at 23 ..i'll get married to this absprize catch ...but no kids just as yet ..I'll get to "understand" him for a few years ..travel the world a bit ..spend quality time together ...make important career moves ...first kid at 26 ...2nd at 29 ...
we'll sit on our patio chairs ..and i'll be wearing a frilly pink apron over my leather catsuit ..and there'll be a yellow lab running ..white picket fence ..and the sun setting in a panoramic background.

Reality Bites. Almost Famous.

So when does the transition between "Life is beautiful" ..and "Bridget Jones Diary " occur ...seems like minutes ..even seconds ..but if time had weight ...god knows I wouldnt be a size six ...cause the past few years have seemed incredibly heavy ...but as the beginning of one of the most heartfelt and honest writings ...one single woman to another ...let me begin by saying ..that Roberto Beigini died at the end of "Life is Beautiful" ...and god bless Bridget Jones ...she's still counting calories and smoking fat free pot in her prada boots ...Long Live Bridget.

At our age people talk about a Work-Life Balanace ....
yet no one whispers the existence of a Love-Life balance ...
what happens when your love starts interfering with your life ..or vice versa.
The quintessenntial crux of our being...Fall in love too early ..start living too late ..
One bleak winter evening ...I was watching Shawshank Redemption ...not quite prepared for an onslaught on my life ..but when Red quite candidly said .."In the end ..all that it takes is Time and Pressure .."...it became surprising clear .Thats all it really takes to tell the worth of anything and everything in your life ..A Little Time and a Little Pressure ...


There is truly no vaccine or immunization against Manthrax..theres no vindication from a heart break either ...so many times while walking down an isle in Walgreens ..seeing counter after counter of energy boosters ..paracetymols and anti biotics ..i wondered ..what if there was something I could wear every morning ..like a mosturiser ...a man - block ...and could have percentage wise UV ( Ultra- Vile ) protection too ..so I could decide just how emotionally exposed I wanted to be today .....Ah ..but 27 years and back in the singles game ..nothing protects you like a good layer of reality ..


Hmm ..so lets see if you need to be reading this further ...The Litmus Test :

A . You have a favorite girl power song : " I'm every Woman " , "Believe","Survivor","Free your mind " I'm every woman ?!..(Kau has a cd ..lol!)

B . You have a favorite sad song ...that makes u feel sad and independent "All by myself " ,"Tanhaayee" ," Nothing compares to you "

c.When u read your horoscope everyday ...u also read "Manthrax's" 's horoscope hoping that his will ask him to introspet ..or look back ..or recosnider ..
What the heck ..read on anyways ....

So are we all really looking for a guy ? ...or are we looking for a dream ..All of us have a favorite "Ex" fanatasy ...the meaner the better ..where the other woman is "ugly and overbearing " or incredibly mean
why is it that when I step into my Ex-tasy ..I always have a super nice kind considerate good looking athletic well spoken well educated guy hanging on my shoulder like a scarf pin from tiffany's ?! ...
why is the Ex-tasy is never about becoming a CEO of the Ex's company and being super nice to him and ofcourse he messes up and loses his job ..but instead of some dream virtue lover ..here u're smart ..powerful ..respectedand everywhere u wanna be in life ...I tried ..I really did ...once I had that "Disclosure - minus the Dis" fantasy ...but by then end of it I was in a torrid relationship with the CFO who was of course a super nice kind considerate good looking athletic well spoken well educated rich guy hanging on my shoulder like a scarf pin from tiffany's ?! ...

.....so if technically we're all waiting to be rescued by some knight ...why am I carrying a shield and body armour ..:)

What do Erin Brocowich ..Lara Croft ...Charlies Angels and Kill Bill have in common ...US .

When you're 27 and you think that "Cute Available Normal Man" is another relation of the extinct Tyrexxxosaraus ...or that the only cute men left are dead ..married or gay ...you know you're in your own version of an action packed sidney sheldon book ..minus the looks ..money ..power and sex ..( of course ...you make up for all that in attitude ..which is often hard to put on paper ....lol! ...so lets think about this ....the Hiltons have Money ...Beyonce has looks ..Demi moore has sex with 20 somethings ...We have attitude ..how does that sound ?...like hello ..can we swap pls ?!)

what you're looking at now ...is a presquel ...to the sequel ..of all those movies where cute independent intellectually charged single woman ....ofcourse ..dumped by commitment phobic ex boyfriend .....looks for closure .

Everything is the same pre -interval . Its like the chicken and egg syndrome ...like is our life like a chick flick with a sadistic twist ..or was Speilberg really moved by our doldrums that he made this movie and ofcorse lied about the whole " All resemblences to any living or dead creatures is merelyco-incidential .." Bit .

We'll ...so much for copyrights over your own life huh !

Post interval ..in the movie ...the protagonist sex bomb is wearing a ralph lauren suit and manolo blahnik boots ...but having spent soo much on accesories ..that she's getting soaked while walking home in the rain ...her hair ..this cosmic fashionable fury ..ruffled by a cold wind ..that somehow is better than a hair do from an elizabeth arden spa ...and ..lets not forget ..the sad instrumental mozart like concerto in the backbround ..
....suddenly the street is empty ...as she approaches her central park facing condo ......a solid combination of guts and steele ...she sees a silleohette ....of the commitment phobic ex ..who is holding a vulgar bunch of bright red flowers ...and reads out a frost poem to her ..." ..they kiss ..and start walking down the "Road Less Travelled "
....*ahem* ..Present Day ..!

You've developed a paunch .
You have one favorite black pant you wear everywhere cause it makes you look slim .
You idea of accesories is the 60 % off section at Macy's .
You feel like the oldest 27 year old .
Ex boyfriend is happily married to Martha Stewart .

Your car gets a flat on your way home ...and thus ..magically ..at least the part about the rain ..and wind and mozart concerto ..and road less travelled stays the same .

So i thought writing this was going to be a life changing experience ...and it has ..life has indeed changed ..and has somehow gotten bigger .,..I;m now Officially a Size 8 .
I think whats changed since the time I wrote this and now is that somehow I laugh harder at myself , live recklessly and love freely . As far as being cynical - well I still have my moments ..but now I've learnt to celebrate rather than fight them :)
Enough of mindshare - have a good weekend .