PS: I have to give a special shout to my friend Tariq - without whose blog - I would not have realized what I was about to become. I am so thankful to you...and Mark Twain.
I am a dog person. I refuse to be a cat.
I could talk to a tree.
Yup. Bet I could.
I could see it in the eye - and have a root to root conversation.
And I could nail it.
Trees dont talk back.
And I've walked on both sides of that line.
Today - I found the courage to have the conversations I had been afraid of for such a long time.
In one of them - I had to admit that I had been a big fat jerk who had shown neither emotional nor intellectual acumen. Had totally reacted to a situation inorder to get the outcome I wanted. And admit that I could have found it in me to find a better way to deal with it and found a dignified way to get what I wanted but had not done that. And I had to lay my pride on the sidewalk and say that I had not treated someone with the respect they deserve. And that I had issues and was finding a way to deal with them but that still did not make it okay.
The second conversation was far more difficult.
It involved the exact reverse situation. I called up someone who I had not spoken to for a very long time and let them off the hook. And told them that I had found a way to move forward and that they deserved to know that I was okay now ..for what it was worth. I was okay. And to make a demand that they treated me gently in the future.
Words.
When you find the right words to say ..at the right time.
Words. Are everything.
These words ..that filled no more than 8 minutes on my watch had haunted me and this blog for the better part of this year.
Until I finally looked at my watch and realized that I was running out of time.
It had taken me half of this year to figure it out.
And 8 minutes to make two phonecalls to say them.
And half an hour more to cry with the sheer joy of knowing that I did something today - for me.
Not for my career. Not for my friends. Not for anything - but for me.
For my mental wellbeing.
That finally I stood up. For what I believe in.
And I am posting this to remember.
That I have made mistakes.
But I can also self correct.
That I do things like this ..because even on my darkest deepest days - I still believe.
And I can still trust.
With my heart.
And that even though it takes time and even though its not always easy and hard to recognize.
I am making progress in this journey of my life.
One step at a time.
