Welcome to the Light

In one of my all time favorite movies 'Under the Tuscan Sun" ...Diane Lane holds her best friends new born baby and pulls open the drapes on a sleepy florence sunrise and says that in Italian .. the literal translation of "To give brith" is to "bring into the light" and in one of the many moving moments in this movie ..looks into beautiful baby eyes and says "Welcome to the Light"

Come to think of it - birth and death are not just once in a life time occurences.
I've had times in my life when parts of me have died instantly. Just vanished.
And then many months or years later - were reborn ..in different places ..in different times and circumstances..
There are phases when I've gone through each day ..dying a little every hour.
And yes, there have been many moments that I've greeted with the childish enthusiasm of a new born. When I've felt 16 and as wonderful and vulnerable that only a 16 year old can feel..
The truth is that many times .. good things have to fall apart so that better things can happen.
And that process is like dying and being born .."into the light" all over again.

Every Day - when I get up - I can do something to change the world.My world.
But somehow that feeling just vansishes or gets buried under a myriad of other worries, concerns and insecurities.
The days are long and lonely in my life as 2009 begins its countdown to the patter of raindrops here in Mumbai.
And yet - I feel strangely blessed.

I wake up at 5 every morning and watch the sunrise from my gym at the end of my workout.
And as the orange pink colors coat a grey sky yellow .. I have this feeling...
That anything is possible. That Life is wonderful. That happy is here.
That I can do anything, be anything, close my fist and feel my breath pulsing through my veins like a freight train on the journey of a lifetime. My lifetime.
Today as I pondered over these few moments early morning while drinking some water and looking at sunlight reflect on my cars bonnet - I wished I could bottle the feeling.
Beacuse I knew that every succeeding hour - doubt and fear and white noise would set in and deplete the magic.
I was 80% by noon .. 50% by evening and by the time I was in bed .. I found myself at a 0% .. truly having gone from
being welcomed into the light to drowning in darkness.
And at that moment - I looked at my gym bag ..and crept towards it in darkness and found my water bottle from the morning.
And held it in my two hands and looked out into the sky. And I closed my eyes and felt that feeling. Like an adrenalin burst... like eating Wasabi for the first time .. a rare, complex, combustible feeling ..All over again. Like a hug.
Go Tupperware! ..another 5 hours and I will be born again.

I'm 30 years old- And my city is Mumbai
Thank God I have enough.