Chak De India !

Dear Sachin,

A year or so ago, I grappled with one of the most difficult decisions of my life.

I was moving back to India. Giving up friends, family and what had been the familiar for close to most of my adult life. It was horrible. I moved to Hyderabad in April 2007 and faced some of the hardest questions I've ever had to ask myself. There were days of remarkable clarity followed by months of foggy introspection. Times I'd wake up in the morning and close my eyes and wonder if I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. When nothing - absolutely nothing would pacify my wandering heart. I'd often get sarcastic remarks from friends about how I wanted to be an "American" and how I kept referring to Atlanta. The crueler and probably more practical ones told me that I was wasting time looking at a decision that had been already cast.

The thing is that even though I am born and brought up in a crowded suburb in North Bombay- I became who I think I am in a sleepy suburb in North Georgia. I guess each one of us has a certain definition of what constitutes as happiness. When the context of the definition changes - we go through anxiety and withdrawal. I guess this is why they say that Break ups are like dying and that Death is a punishment for the living and all that sanguine literature about departure, separation and longing rings a bell.

Over the last year, I've redefined a lot of things in my life. People keep saying sad things like "Life has so much compromise" and "bigger picture" and "long term" .. I prefer to think about this as mere reframing. I've not changed who I am or what I want. Just a change in the critical path. Life has been kinder to me that I expected and there are days when I go to bed in tears awed and thankful about how happy I feel.

But like a flashback - every once in a while my mind drifts to a place where red leaves flutter against a grey October sky and the sweet smell of coffee mingles with tide while I vacuum the house. And I wonder. And for the briefest of fleeting moments - I am the saddest most confused person I know. But I've learnt that taking deep breaths works like wonders and time outweighs these passing moments.

But when you and the rest of our cricket team - play like you'll did today. And I am able to see first hand the madness and the excitement and everyone totally in love with the game.. right from my study group that insists on having the match on mute while we work against the racing clock .. to the staff in the mess that gets distracted when you are batting , to seeing absolute strangers sit next to each other in the dining hall just because that table faces the TV sceen .. and when you'll win like you'll did and keep everyone wanting for more...my heart skips a beat.

Of all the things - When even someone like me ..who till yesterday did not know what "silly point" is can look at someone and say "great match naaa" ..as opposed to watching the scores get updated on rediff while the rest of Atlanta is oblivious to my pounding heart .. when I have that one of a kind special moment. ....I know that somewhere somehow - I am in the right place at the right time and that twisted though this story is at the moment ...picture abhi baki hai dost ...:)

Chak De India !

Kau