For months I've read about the subprime crisis.
For weeks, thats all that the news channels have talked about.
For days, I've been thinking about it.
I know that I have this mad stupid ability to try and relate everything to my life.
And how excruciatingly ordinary and miniscule my life is in the grand scheme of things.
Its not that I dont know and its not that I'm not thinking about how lame this post is going to sound even as I am writing it.
But unfortunately, I'm not that spiritually evolved yet - to look at the big picture all the time and stand in a pool of tears under the stars smiling at the cosmos saying "Bring it on".
So coming back to the subprime crisis. Everyones wondering how these banks actually made these subprime loans. How could they lend to people without conducting reasonable checks.
After hearing smartly dressed reporters debate passionately for the 1000th time last night.
I shut the T.V and closed my eyes.
Off all the people - I do know.
I know what it is like to lend my energy and hard work to a project that is subprime. Wait around for months thinking that it will materialize. And grab a fistful of hair when I dissolve it.
I know what it is like to lend my time to thoughts and dreams that are subprime. Hold on to the threads of hope for months thinking that they will come true. And try to hide my stupidity when I get over them.
I know what it is like to lend my trust and my love to someone who is subprime. Wait around for months thinking that they will return it. And then crying in earnest while I write them off.
And then ofcourse there is a liquidity crisis.
Someone or something shows up that does deserve a chance and who would return all that positive energy and hard work and love.
A friend, a Boss, a random person on the street looking for help, a new work or business opportunity.
But I dont have any left. Inside - I feel all empty and dry.
Like the once brimming now empty coiffers of these banks.
I am a victim of my own subprime crisis. Waiting to be rescued.
Unfortunately, there arent any credit checks or bailouts available for feelings and human trust.
You just have to go by your gut.
And what that means for someone like me is that every once in a while - I am up against a wall created by my own beguile that I am not able to scale.
So I just have to destroy everything in the vicinity and walk around it.
And so I do.
And in the interim all I can do is learn and pray and hope that my time and love finds worthy investments that I will hold on to.
Till Debt does us apart.
Amen.
3 comments:
That is this strange thing about investing/gambling. There is all that math that you do to convince yourself its a good buy/bet, and in the end, a fraction of a second before you place the bet/buy, the impulse that drives you is pure instinct and you decide to "up the ante" or oddly enough "just fold". Sometimes you are right and sometimes you are wrong. As for life, the maximum thrill is when you "play blind".
Keep your heart perked up Kau ! :)
Somewhere amdist all this crisis that is sub-prime, personally or otherwise there is a prime line of thought in this post. That coupled with the lessons, hope and prayer you'll breeze past this. Keep the faith and may the force be with you! Not to forget the super-prime style of writing.
This has to be my fav line I have read in sometime - "I am a victim of my own subprime crisis. Waiting to be rescued."
Life is a game one has to participate in. Learning and perfecting ones skills along the way is what I believe makes the difference.
Hang in there Kau ;-)
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