Weekling

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas ,obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.
Calvin to Hobbes


Theres weeks when I feel like I'm on top of my game ...and then theres weeks , when I wake up when my alarm goes off at 6.30 am ..already feeling tired ..wishing for the day to be over.

But I wake up .And I drive to work ..watch the sun rise patiently. I brew at least 4 pots of coffee before I see a flaming blue and yellow orange canvas in the evenings .

I walk out during lunch when its soo cold , feel the punishing grey wind and I'm just happy to come back to work ironically.

Sometimes my nerves are soo shot - I have to count to 10 ..take a walk in my own office and browse the internet for vacations that will never happen , clothes I will never buy , book I will never read ..until I read news I will thankfully never make ..and realise the foolishness and selfishness of my hackneyed self consumed thinking . Then I chide myself and go back to work ..

Then when I leave to come back home at night - I notice the most random things ..my mind and body are like robots at this point , I notice how pretty the cars on the intestate look , I notice the leaves stuck in the wipers ..the people in the cars next to me ..and everything that is completely unnecessary but still a vital part of the day ..

Late at night - I log back in and work some more ..and update my blog in breaks .

But regardless of how tired I feel , these are the weeks that define me ..that are so lean ..zero body fat weeks I call them . When I realise the value and worth of everything ,everyone ..when I feel like I am being tested ..when I feel hopeful ..like I am waiting ..not for happiness ..because the bar just got raised ..that at the end of days like today ..in the few fleeting hours before I turn off the lights and hear another buzzing 6.30 alarm ..nothing but euphoria will do ..