Default or Design

I 've always thought that there are two kinds of people in the world - ones who have a choice in every situation , about careers , love , friends , lifestyle choices .Choices that they create or ones that arise from decisions that others make.
Fortunately for me - I'm not one of those people.
I fall into category 2. Exhibit B involves people that fate conspires for or against . Mercilesly , faithfully and relentlessly.

For a long time I resisted - not knowing what I was up against . I used to think that I chose my loves , my friends , my battles .
In 2002 - something strange happened to me. In the middle of what I can unarguably say was the hardest and most difficult year of my life - the lights suddenly went on and I had a feeling of immense deja vu. I remember the day , the colors and exactly how that moment felt . I was reading the Alchemist in my brandywine apartment -early november, hoping for a divine intervention in a year when much was murky.

Deja Vu. Been there - Done that. I realised that the same battle had picked me over and over again in my life . Now the slate was different , the players were different , if it wasnt chess it was a fence fight ..but the same things were at stake , the same fears , the same problem - new place , new people , same battle.
And I had the realization that no matter where I went - until I learnt to beat it , it would keep choosing me .

and so my years are marked -whether it is with friendship or with love - I will not have a choice .When I come face to face with it - I will have no option but to follow ..and if there is an option - then either the option or the love will not be real.

With each passing day , more so this year than in any other I know deep in my heart that while I may not always have a choice or clue about where I am going or what I want to do - the one choice I will always have is to know who I am, to know how I affect lives around me , to choose well and be responsible for that one choice.
And no matter what the years hold in store - by default or design ..that one choice , will always be my own.