I’m bringing blogging back.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together" - Marilyn Monroe”
Ever been at a place, stuck in a moment when its just you and grey clouded skies… that want to sign a truce with you but all you want to do is get into a yelling match?
And then the unthinkable happens – the skies get into that much needed fight.
Only thing is – its difficult to be angry with life when soaked silly to the bones.
Only thing is – its difficult to be angry with life – At all.
I left work late last night and got into a rickshaw.
Mad about things that hadn't gone as per plan and also at things that had gone as per plan but by then the plan had changed. Mad at everything. All at once.
When right in the middle of my pathetic whinefest – the skies decided that they had heard enough and had to intervene. And then they did.
“Sorry Madam – Rickshaw ka gear break hai” (The gear is broken)
I said – “Whattt” ..Bhaiya ..kaise break ho gaya (Over dramatic ;;Hooowww??)
“Sorry Madam – ab purposely to nahi kiya naa” (Like I would break it purposely??)
I looked left and right – and no one in sight.
At least an hour away from home.
The rickshaw walla grabs my 50 rupee note.
I get out and start looking around for alternate modes of transportation. Then I hear a noise – I turn around and he has gotten into the rickshaw and left????? ..Wasn’t the gear BROKEN?!
So I give my special grimace to the cosmos…equivalent to a shaking fist as if to say... “”Ohh whatever – you’re not on my side anyways. I’m going to handle this...Like I handle everything””
And then the skies showed me that they were really not on my side if I insisted.
Flash of Lightening, Roar of Thunder and Sheets of rain.
5 minutes later – It was me, soaked to the bones, looking aghast and the only thing to snap me out of my trance was the honks and flashlights of people in a hurry to get home while I tried to reason with the world.
But sometimes, you just can’t reason with the hand of cards you’ve been dealt. Sometimes the only thing you can do is cross your heart and play them.
So I decided to walk. And I kept walking. And it kept raining.
At first I was upset. Mad at my dumb luck and how things had turned out.
At second I was angry at how I had not had my way in many other situations off late.
At third –I was thankful for not having felt the need to make a fashion statement and wear heels that morning.
At fourth – I was immensely grateful for having the good sense to leave my laptop at work.
At fifth – I was starting to enjoy the walk.
No sidewalks. No Safety Net. Only miles to go.
No sense of direction. No Compass. Only a sense of being.
I did not get a cab or a bus or a rickshaw for another 50 minutes. I walked all the way. Walked through puddles and broken tiles and stood next to three wet nosed dogs as all four of us tried to cross the road. We got it right on the 5th attempt.
Then I met an old lady who was selling vegetables. And I asked her where the road went. And she very sweetly said “This road doesn’t go anywhere”
So I reached a dead end. And decided that I would turn right.
And turned out that it was the right decision to make.
As I walked into my home – 2 hours after I had started out on my journey – I knew that this wasn’t a mere coincidence.
After all the aching muscles, ugly wet hair and mud splattered clothes – I had infact managed to get where I wanted.
So there were crazy delays, and there was pain – but in the end, the journey was the destination and it had all worked out.
Maybe not exactly as I planned. But somewhere in the vicinity.
And I was finally – at peace with the world.
The truth is that change is hard and I just don’t like it.
But everyone knows that it’s an illusion to think that things will always be the way they are. So in my bravado at going with the flow and waking up on the right side of the bed – I somehow convinced myself that I would be okay. That I would also change.
But what I realized today – after my tryst with the mighty hands above is that change isn’t something that I can do. Change is something that at my best – I can accept and allow. It will happen anywhich ways.
And in the interim all I can do is wear walking shoes and learn to be a little more grateful.
Thank God I have enough.
