Happy Feet

I watched the most brilliant sunset of 2006 late last fall, all by myself.
It was the most magnificient fiery display of orange, purple and blue. And I could not help but wonder ..how did I end up here ?
So just how did I make the trip from being a nervous 16 year old on the first day of college, full of hope, enthusiasm, excitement and trust to being in control of my cautiously optimistic current life.
Did I really go through disappointment, heartache, heart break on the way here. Did I really experience happiness, completeness and companionship. And how much of that adds up to the 30 additional pounds I now seem to carry ?
And did I go through all of the above - to be here, all alone, watching the pools of gold and blue flood my eyes with an emotion that felt so good that it hurt.

I knew in my heart then what it all meant. I was here because every single door that had closed on me had somehow laid the trail. I was here because every single window I had peeked out of had somehow showed me the way. I was here because all the goods, the bads and the inbetweens had prepared me for it.

No more test runs. Something tells me that this year will be the real take it or live without it thing.

And if I have learnt one thing from the years of practice at the nets - is that there is no point in conserving anything.
Its better to arrive at the end of a race utterly spent, exhausted, weak in the knees and not having a ounce of energy to spare wondering what the heck was it that hit you.

So I'm going to try - to enjoy the uncertainty, the madness, the ups and the downs, the fleeting dreams, the lonely pangs, bad hair days et all.

Sleep socks and the occasional pedicures notwithstanding - This year ..more than any other year, I plan to have Happy Feet.